[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] How-To: Propose To A Perfectly Tolerable Girl// A Step-by-Step Guide By Mr. Darcy a.k.a THE PEMBERLEY MAN//

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife”

HOW VERY TRUE!

Even the ones that don’t think they want one, SECRETLY DOOOO!!!!! Everyone wants a wife. And those who GENUINELY DON’T change their perception once they get one!

It’s just the truth of life. AND WE MUST ACCEPT IT. ALL OF US. Yes, even Mr. Darcy.

I am pretty sure that when he entered the Longbourn ball that fateful evening, he must be so sure that he won’t like anyone in this god-forsaken country. BOY, WAS HE IN FOR A WORLD OF SURPRISE!

Our dear Lizzie bewitched his mind the very moment he brushed her off as ”not pretty enough to tempt me.” From there, it was all rolling and falling in love for our dear Pemberley Man. But he approached his adoration for the second eldest Bennet sister with utmost precision and skill!

READ ON TO FIND OUT HOW!

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🌸 Condition Her Mind Beforehand

I see.
I like.
I propose.

WHOA!
Hold your horses there, Mr. Collins’ descendant! This is not one of your DEPRESSED & DEPRIVED cases.

It’s about the girl with fine eyes, tolerable teeth, and a conceited sense of freedom. She likes long walks, witty talks, and MOST OF ALL – SHE LIKES TO JUDGE PEOPLE! So you can’t just barge in there with a proposal, you’ll make a fool of yourself.

You need to condition her mind first –  acclimatize it in such a way that she starts seeing you as her future husband. This is easy and can be achieved in a few simple steps:

🎄The first time you guys meet, look at her with flared nostrils and uninterested eyes. You must look a bit constipated too as if the very sight of her face is puke-inducing.

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This one’s NOT MINE! 🙂 ❤

🎄Refuse to dance with her when your friend is suggesting her as your dance partner, while she is CLEARLY in the earshot of your conversation. THAT OUGHTTA GET HER MIND RUNNING! 

🎄Convince the man who is in love with her sister to go away and leave her heartbroken. TOUGH LOVE, DUDE! It’s a THING! LOOK IT UP. 

laurels+flowers_0007_Vector Smart Object🌸 Stares and Dances

It’s all about the eyes, man. Girls LOVE it when you compliment their eyes.

But YOU aren’t some commoner. YOU ARE THE PEMBERLEY MAN. And you have to step up your game.

🎄This can be achieved by staring at her at THE MOST inconvenient times possible.  Preferably when that gold-digger Caroline Bingley is nearby. [ Really though, YOU OUGHT TO ASK THAT INSUFFERABLE WOMAN TO LEAVE YOU THE FUCK ALONE!]

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🎄After a few inconvenient stare-offs in public, you have to take it to yet another level again and ask her for a dance at the Netherfield Ball. 

Now, I know it’s beneath your status to dance with only a tolerable-looking girl but hey, do you want to marry her or not? Well, then. Ask her for a dance and be silent.

BE SILENT AS A GRAVE.
UNLESS she herself breaks the ice. THEN you can go ahead and add one or two witty remarks.
BUT DON’T OVERDO IT. BECOME SILENT AGAIN

laurels+flowers_0007_Vector Smart Object🌸 Surprise, Surprise!

By now you must have managed to imprint her mind with your image (whether an agreeable one or not THAT we will find out later! ) Youwith your uncomfortable encounters and unwilling complimentshave successfully conditioned her mind and she is now ready to be proposed to.

Now as you may already know, a proposal is a VERY big step (DUH!) and must be planned out in detail. You have to pick the right spot and you must make sure that she is in a good mood before you do it. 

So, NATURALLY you gotta go to her RIGHT AFTER SHE FINDS OUT THAT YOU RUINED HER SISTER’S HAPPINESS (that was a classy move, I must say!) and blurt out your confession in the following manner:

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🎄Say this, ”In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

🎄Her reaction to such a display of affection will surely be of shock and a deep blush. Encouraged by this healthy display of OBVIOUS FEMININE ENCOURAGEMENT, you must go on and on and on about how her situation in life is CLEARLY beneath you, about how you are risking a complete social abandonment by making you his wife. 

🎄Don’t forget to add the fact that you think her younger sisters are ABSOLUTELY FUCKING RIDICULOUS and that her mother is THE MOST INSUFFERABLE OF THEM ALL! Tell her that even her father is a bit thoughtless from time to time.

🎄Lastly, let her know that she must ”END YOUR AGONY” by accepting your offer of marriage. 

AS THEY SAY, HONESTY —–and whatever! 

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🌸RESULT TIME!

When she refuses, WHICH SHE WILL, rethink your life choices, alright?

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I hope that all of you have learnt something from Mr. Darcy’s proposal today. 
NEVER PROPOSE WHEN YOUR GIRL HAS A HEADACHE, YOU GUYS! *eye-rolling intensifies*

[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] How-To: Be an Accomplished Woman// A Step-by-Step Guide by Caroline Bingley//

Did you know that there are less than a dozen women out there that can TRULY be called accomplished?

Miss Caroline Bingley of Netherfield gravely remarks, in an interview with The Derbyshire News, on this declining number of the truly genius among her own sex.

”It’s most distressing. Just another I was telling Mr. Darcy (you know THE OWNER OF Pemberley! An EXCELLENT MAN) that something NEEDS to be done urgently if we are to fix this problem. But the fault lies with the population of Longbourn, to be honest. ESPECIALLY THE BENNET LADIES. Their distaste in fashion and yet the conceited self importance they hold themselves in is the main issue here.’

And in addition to such remarkable comments on the rapidly decreasing genius of women, Miss Bingley has also agreed to share with us some pointers to help the ordinary women be THE MOST ACCOMPLISHED VERSION OF HERSELF!

Let’s have a look, shall we?

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SNOBBERY

The first step, it seems, to being a most accomplished woman is possessing the ability to despise everything and everyone you ever come in contact with. Unless of course, it’s Mr. Darcy of Pemberley. THEN you may go ahead and praise the fuck out of everything the gentleman does.

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But for every other human being, you must be the epitome of unpleasantness.

You MUST look hideously displeased with everything around you. You see the REALLY accomplished women NEVER show their pleasant sides to ANYONE. They go through the world discontentedly and are never happy with meeting new people, certainly not the ones who can pose a threat to their plan of bagging the…the…yeah the Pemberley guy.

So ladies, if you want to be known as an accomplished woman, you better be prepared for a LOTTTT of frown lines, you understand?

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”SOMETHING IN HER AIR”

(whatever THAT means!)

This is something Caroline Bingley ABSOLUTELY INSISTS UPON. But she is a bit vague about what kind of ”air” an accomplished woman is supposed to have and that has got me wondering. Well, let’s hear it from Miss. Bingley, shall we?

Got a clearer idea now?

What Miss Uptighty-pants is trying to tell us here is that an ACCOMPLISHED woman must make herself memorable to everyone and this she can easily achieve by being a rigid, stinkin’ mess.

So get rid of those perfumes girls because it’s time to let your inner unpleasantness shine through. 😉

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HOME-WRECKER

Listen to me VERY carefully now:

A TRULY ACCOMPLISHED WOMAN never let’s such things as her brother’s happiness get in the way of her own convenience. Whenever she sees a threat to her own hopes and dreams, she starts thinking ways to eliminate it.

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And we see this method in effect when realizing that her brother is a great deal too attached to the eldest Miss Bennet and getting a glimpse of her potential future – FULL OF Mrs. bennet’s frequent visits at Netherfield – she persuades Mr. Bingley to move and makes him believe that it’s for his own good.

So you see the level of manipulation going on here? And if you want to be at Caroline’s level, you’ve got to learn this art as well.

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THE GOSSIP-GIRL

Apart from having a thorough knowledge of singing, drawing, dancing, and modern languages, a well-accomplished woman must also be well adept in the art of gossiping.

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Because when tragedy strikes and you are made aware of the fact that your ALMOST future-husband is falling for someone else, it’s the sly remarks about those ‘fine eyes” that will make the man uncomfortable enough to drop the topic altogether.

You and (preferably) your older sister MUST belittle everyone around you. THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET NOTICED BY THE PEMBERLEY MAN!

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As you can see, Miss. Caroline Bingley clearly knows what she’s about.
And she isn’t afraid to admit it.
You too can achieve that level of conceit!

All you have to do is follow the above-mentioned steps and you’ll be good to go!

(PS: I couldn’t find any suitable gifs so I made these as well. I hope you liked them.<3 )

[A BLOGGER’S LIFE] The Mayfly Effect //Surviving the After-Effects of a Viral Post//

You are sitting behind your computer screen, practically jamming the keysnot stopping for food or drink. NO. ALL THAT’S JUST SUPERFICIAL STUFF. You have FINALLY found your muse and YOU GUYS ARE CLICKING TOGETHER.

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You are in LOVE – with everything. Ideas seem to flow off your mind and onto the paper like water. You will NOT be stopped. YOU ARE THE KIND OF THE WORLD. YOU CAN CONQUER ANYTHING. This is the moment you have been waiting for. Your heart is bubbling with excitement. With each word you type, your confidence grows tenfold. It keeps on growing and growing and growing until it EXPLODES. 

You hit publish.

For the first time in your writing life, you feel confidentACTUALLY FUCKING CONFIDENT about your skills. You just know, deep in your heart, that people are going to adore your post. And so you sit back, relax, and watch notifications pop up on the screen every five minutes people are liking it, commenting on it, sharing it. YOUR BABY IS FAMOUS. OH SO FAMOUS. 

You hadn’t tasted success before this moment but now that you have, it feels like the most natural thing in the world, doesn’t it? The fame, the glory – ALL OF IT. It feels like you were born to this, like you are a natural. And let’s face it, you ARE! You are PRETTY FUCKING AWESOME! And the obvious popularity of your written word is proof of it. 

So, for the next 24 hours, you receive hundreds of compliments saying how absolutely talented you are and how they love the way you write. YOU ARE AT THE TOP OF THE WORLD AND YOU LIKE IT HERE. You don’t wanna leave. E V E R.

You go to bed feeling all giddy, entertaining hopes of an even more exciting tomorrow. Your dreams – full of contentment. You are finally where you’d always dreamt of being. YOU ARE HAPPY. And so you should be.

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But the following day brings with it a promise of disappointment. No notifications now. If your phone chimes, it’s because your mumma wants to know whether you are still coming home for Sunday dinner, not because people are raving about your gorgeous writing skills. 

Your long-face and saddened eyes display every step of the breaking of your heart. You don’t understand how this could happen. Everything was going great yesterday, wasn’t it? People were in love with what you wrote and that gave you hope that MAYBE now they’ll discover your other writings too, that they’ll come to know how prolific you actually are and then THEY’LL NEVER WANNA LEAVE YOUBut they did, didn’t they? They liked what you wrote in a moment of utmost creativity and they moved on.

Ain’t nobody’s got time for your previous writing and stuff!! PFTTT!!

But you take it wayyy too seriously and now all your focus is on feeling that way again – THE STARDOM, THE IMPORTANCE!! You will go to harrow hell to bring that feeling home again. It’s become your drug now. YOUR OBSESSION. And you think that forcing yourself to write something EXACTLY the same way that got you in the spotlight is the way to do that.

But creativity doesn’t work that way. You used to know that when your mind was a humble being but it’s gotten too big for its own good in the last 24 hours and now it won’t listen to ANYTHING but it’s own ego.

Well, THAT’S NOT GONNA END UP WELL NOW, IS IT?
And it doesn’t!

Now, you are stuck in a rutnot being able to create ANYTHING because now you have this idea of how your posts are supposed to be INSTEAD OF LISTENING TO WHAT YOUR HEART IS TELLING YOU. 

That’s where it all goes downhill from, guys!

Going viral is all well and good and SO MUCH FUN but it creates totally unrealistic expectations in your mind – such that it’s not yet able to fulfill, and ESPECIALLY NOT IN THE STATE OF SO MUCH PRESSURE! And that’s the cue for creativity to go AWOL on you.

You must understand that although it was fun while it lasted, you need to focus on being yourself ALL THE TIME if you are to have a shot at being a most loved writer in the blogosphere. Know that your readers don’t want their minds blown away every single time you post something, they just want constancya steady stream of content to chew on. As long as you are doing that, IT IS ALL GOING TO BE JUST FINE, ALRIGHT?

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BE YOURSELF GUYS, EVEN IN THE FACE OF ALL THE STARDOMthat’s what’s going to set you apart and bring you the audience of your dreams.

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This has been my personal experience, you know! When my first ever post got MORE VIEWS AND COMMENTS THAN I’D EVER IMAGINED POSSIBLE, I went CRAAZZZYYY!!!

And I shouldn’t have. It’s all about the moment and as long as you enjoy what you are creating and doing all that you do with passion, people are going to adore it, no matter what!

DO YOU AGREEE!??? ❤
Have you experienced this before?

[A READER’S LIFE] How To Read a Book PROPERLY//My Reading Process//

I know. I know.

WHAT’S SO HARD ABOUT READING ANYWAY?

Open the goddamn book, read the fucking words, pretend to be shocked/moved etc.

RIGHT??!!

Reading is an art. Each step needs to be savored, taken pleasure in. It needs to speak to your soul. Reading a book should incite a change in the deepest level of your being. AND THAT CAN ONLY HAPPEN IF YOU DO IT RIGHT.

Luckily for you, I am here to enlighten you lost souls on how to properly read a book and this I will do by giving you a sneak peek into my own reading process.

Now, it may get a bit intense here but HEY! YOU KNEW WHAT YOU TOOK ON WHEN YOU CLICKED ON THIS POST, YEAH?!

SO NO COMPLAINING and let’s get to it.

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THE WALK

*sigh*

Having finished reading the very last page, I close the book. My mind is still in a haze, unable to process the surroundings I now find myself in.

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Seconds turn into minutes threatening to turn into hours when I snap myself out of a long lost dream, shake my hand off of the last shreds of the world I just left behind in the pages of the beautiful book lying on the bed. It’s a hard decision but a necessary one nonetheless.

I walk over to my bookshelf, admire the general splendor of all the hardbacks and paperbacks, bathe in the quiet reassurance of their utmost beauty and I just keep watching and watching….and watching…

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THE CHOICE

Awe turns into irritation real quick.

Standing in front of my magnificent shelf I become aware of all the brooding eyes staring right into my soul, trying to manipulate me.

EVERY SINGLE OF MY PRIZED POSSESSIONS BEG FOR AN HONEST CONSIDERATION. Making those sweet doleful eyes, crushing my heart.

 

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PICK MEEEE!!!

No wonder it takes me HOURS (sometimes even DAYS) to decide what to read next! But I turn my heart to stone and ignoring all their fictional pleas reach my hand out to rest on a random spine.

YES! THIS IS GOING TO BE MY COMPANION FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS.

With a heavy heart, I make my way backback to re-enter a world entirely different from my own.

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THE TRANSITION

Reality as I know it starts to fade away. The world around me crumbles – brick by brick- until it gives way to another dimension.

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Here, I am a captive of the writer’s words. They clutch the insides of my mind and pull me in. No longer am I aware of my previous life. I am living now in the minds of these wonderful, wonderful characterscrazy, flawed, AND MORE HUMAN THAN HUMAN BEINGS THEMSELVES.

Yes. I LIKE IT HERE. Can I stay here forever? CAN I?

I am lost in a world of words and emotions and I DON’T WANT ANYONE TO COME LOOKING.

I FEEL SAFE.
I FEEL LIKE MYSELF.
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THE REVELATION

I have lived a full life here, have loved these new friends that I made just a few hours agoloved them like we’ve been together for eternity. Their laughs, their cries, their hopes and dreams, their fears, their shadowsall etched into my mind as if someone had carved them there with utmost care and precision.

But now these lovely people are about to reach the conclusions to their respective storiesall the hardships they had been subjected to are almost at an end. Their wait is over and the things they want are almost in their grasps.

And while that’s good news for them, it’s distressing to me.

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I will soon have to leave them – leave this beautiful world and all these wonderful people. I have come to love their lives more than my own but now I won’t be privy to the details anymore.

HOW WILL I KNOW IF THEY WERE ALRIGHT TILL THE END? THAT NO DANGER BEFELL THEM AFTER WE PARTED OUR WAYS? HOWWW?!!?!

They will move away into the quiet recesses of their own little worlds, to live their own lives and I will become a mere stranger to themA ONE-SIDED LOVER who will continue to obsess over them for days, months EVEN YEARS TO COME!

I AM UNHAPPY. OH, SO UNHAPPY.

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THE HOPELESSNESS

Here I sit, with a closed book in my hands and tears welling up in my eyes.

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It’s agonizing to watch a worlda world that has made me feel more alive than I have felt in a LONG LONG TIMEfade away into nothingness.

It’s a tearful realization but I keep heart. I have faith because I know that these memories that I have stolen from the neverwhere world will now stay with me forever. Because I know that with a flick of the page I will be transported back to that magical world where everything will STILL BE THE SAME.

AHH!! SUCH A LOVELY PROSPECT.

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THE WALK

*sigh*

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Yes. I am back again, scratching my head, trying to avoid those puppy dog eyes!

GOD HELP ME!
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AND THIS, DEAR READERS, IS HOW YOU PROPERLY READ A BOOK!

*PHEW*

I also hope that all you people who think that reading is nothing but looking at words have changed your perception of it now BECAUSE IT IS HARD WORK!!!

*dies of exhaustion and a broken heart*

Soo..do you have the same reading process as I? What steps would you like to add/take away?!?! LET ME KNOW! I WANNA KNOWWW!!!

[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] How-To: Unburden Your House// Mrs. Bennet’s Guide to Marrying off 3/5 of Your Daughters in Less Than a Year//

”She was a woman of mean understanding, little information, and uncertain temper. When she was discontented she fancied herself nervous. The business of her life was to get her daughters married; its solace was visiting and news.

This is the very first account that we get of Mrs. Bennet’s character. She is a typical mother of little or no knowledge of important affairs with only her beauty to recommend her. Not that that’s a little achievement!

Mr. Bennet himself was swept off his feet by her ”fair share of beauty”, enough for him to make her an offer of marriage.

giphy-11So, now you see Mrs. Bennet is very adept in the arts of matchmaking, of inducing feelings of love in the hearts of another – both for herself and for her daughters. So skilled is she that she is able to marry off 3 out of 5 of her daughters in less than a year! AND ONE OF THEM AT FIFTEEN TOO!

I M A G I N E   T H A T!

So, you see there is NO ONE BETTER to give you pointers on how to find eligible partners for your daughters than our very own excitable Mrs. Bennet.

So, ladies, take notes because it’s about to get pretty educational here!

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THEM FLUTTERING NERVES!

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When your husband refuses to visit a single man of a large fortune, who is CLEARLY in want of a wife by the way, for the sake of your daughters, WHAT DO YOU DO?

🌸You quietly accept defeat.
🌸You start to devise other ways to get acquainted with the man.
🌸You try to convince your husband in a polite, orderly fashion.

Did you choose any of the above-stated options?

If yes then your daughters will forever remain alone. Mrs. Bennet actually has another tactic that works like a charm EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

You see, you have got to behave erraticallyshouting all day, blaming your poor nerves, taunting your husband indirectly – SOO MUCH THAT HE HAS NO OTHER OPTION BUT TO YIELD TO YOUR WISHES. Got it? Now practice timeee!!! 😉

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BOAST YOUR HEART OUT!

When you have a most beautiful daughterso pretty that men fall head over heels in love with her wherever she goeswhy the FUCK would you keep her hidden? 

You have been given a wonderful opportunity to make everyone feel ashamed of themselves. WHY NOT TAKE IT?

WHY TALK SENSIBLY WHEN YOU CAN BEHAVE IRRATIONALLY INSTEAD?

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So when your daughter’s future love interest praises one of her friends, you do not let the opportunity pass by. 
Make it plain as the nose on Mr. Bingley’s face that THERE IS NO ONE BETTER OR MORE HANDSOME IN THE WHOLE OF ENGLAND THAN YOUR DEAR, SWEET Jane, ALRIGHTTT????!!!

laurels+flowers_0007_Vector Smart ObjectPLAY THE WITCH🔮

Apart from loving your children partially, manipulating them, and spoiling them, a good mother must also possess the art of witchcraft like the ability to control the weather.

And Mrs. Bennet, being the perfect mother that she is, is 13764850985% skilled in this department. And a good thing too because when her dear Jane received an invitation from Miss Bingley to dine at Netherfield, her brain started churning out terabytes per second, thinking of ways to make Jane’s visit to her future husband’s house as long as possible.

AND THIS IS WHERE HER WITCHY SKILLS CAME IN HANDY!

She sent her daughter on a horseback instead of a carriage because SHE WAS SUREE that it would rain later and then Jane would HAVE to stay there. AND SHE WAS RIGHT!

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But HOW WAS SHE SO SURE ABOUT HER PLAN?
*whispers* Because she is secretly a very powerful witch! 

laurels+flowers_0007_Vector Smart ObjectSPOIL ‘EM YOUNG

You are a (proud?) mother of five daughters. All day, every day only a single thought plagues your mind –

MARRIAGE. MARRIAGE. MARRIIAAGGEEEE!!!!

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And since you cannot POSSIBLY be as attentive to ALL of their prospects, sometimes you just gotta let them choose for themselves. Raise your daughters, PREFERABLY THE YOUNGEST ONE, as headstrong and foolish enough so that ALL THEY CAN THINK ABOUT IS MEN.

With this kind of golden thinking, you can be sure of a *fairly* well-settled, married daughter at the ridiculously young age of fifteen with little effort from your side.

SMOOTH, RIGHT???!

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DON’T GIVE THE SECOND ONE ANY THOUGHT!

Mrs. Bennet is a very intuitive woman.
AND VERY PROUD ONE.

When she saw that her second (and least favorite) daughter, Elizabeth, didn’t want her expert advice on ANYTHING let alone on marital affairs, she had the good sense to withdraw her services and leave Lizzie to her own devices.

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She is too proud to beg for her to consider her opinions. And rightly so because when Lizzie saw that she wasn’t going to get any help from her family, she was forced to be independent in her affairs and THAT LED TO HER BAGGING THE RICHEST MAN IN THE WHOLE OF DERBYSHIRE!!!

*SCREEEAAAMMSSSS*

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Isn’t she THE CLEVEREST WOMAN TO EVER WALK THE FICTIONAL EARTH??!!!!! 

Sooo…do you agree with Mrs. Bennet’s advice, then? I think she is pretty good at this matchmaking stuff (not better than Emma though *wink-wink*) RIGHTTT?!!!

And WHAT DID YOU THINK OF ALLL THE GIFS?!?!!
I MADE THEM!

I MADE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEMM!!! AREN’T THEY SOOO VERRYYY VERYY PRETTYY!!??? *heart eyes* *dies*

[A BLOGGER’S LIFE] Are Your Posts Good Enough?// COMMITMENT AND LACK THEREOF//

If you are asking this then chances are they are NOT. 

The constant little voice in your mind that keeps nudging you that you need to do better is usually correct in its assessment. You see, the thing is that once you start asking yourself ”AM I DOING GOOD ENOUGH?’‘, one of the two things can happen:

🌸You fall into a well of depression because although you agree with what your inner self is trying to tell you, you are directionless about what to do to fix it.

🌸You take the challenge head-on, work night and day, day and night to make sure that this voice never annoys you again.

If you fall into the first category, you need to ask for help. IMMEDIATELY. Don’t be ashamed. Everyone, at one point or the other, has gone through the problem you are facing right now. But the ones that got out of it are those who ASKED. Who didn’t care what people might think. THOSE are the ones that won.

They didn’t let the failure stick.
They did something about it.
THEY GOT BACK UP AGAIN!

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The second one, however, is a CONSTANT battle. Because once you make sure that what you are doing RIGHT NOW is perfect according to your standards, you will be faced with new challenges. And you have to be ready when they arrive.

Blogging is no different from any other thing in life.

You have GOT to be committed to it, even when it sucks.

You have GOT to MAKE time for it. We all have the same number of hours guys. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US. The most proficient bloggers out there, killing it at everything every area of their lives, don’t have A SINGLE FUCKIN SECOND MORE than what’s been given to us.

It’s all about PRIORITY. 

THEY MAKE IT THEIR PRIORITY TO DO EVERYTHING TO THE BEST OF THEIR ABILITIES. OR THEY DON’T DO IT ALL. 

I could tell you that having fun is what matters. And it does. Absolutely. BUT those of you out there who want to take your blogs out of the ”hobby” phase and ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING WITH IT have to let go of that mindset. That ”I won’t do it today because I don’t feel like it” attitude.

IT WILL DRAIN YOUR POTENTIAL. It will ingrain your mind with a defeatist approach and little by little this thinking will seep into every area of your life. IT WILL BECOME A HABIT.

I know because I have struggled with it for as long as I can remember and only very recently have been able to win against all that negativity and sluggishness. 

Persistence is something that all of us at some point in our lives struggle with. Some of us even have a record of not sticking with ANYTHING we try. 

NOT A SINGLE THING.

We give up too easily sometimes, guys. TOO FUCKING EASILY. But we need to CONSTANTLY remind ourselves that even hobbies have to be taken out of that FUN phase and exposed to hard-work – EVEN WHEN IT SUCKS – if we want to get something out of them.

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Hey, I am not saying there’s anything wrong with just having fun. But what I have a problem is that people confuse having fun with a lack of persistence, of commitment.

Does being committing to something mean it’s not fun anymore? DOES IT?

NO. FUCKING NO.

It just means that we have just entered the phase WHICH IS SUPPOSED TO BE A ROUGH RIDE to ensure that whatever comes after that, whatever uncomfortable circumstances we may face in the future, WE ARE READY FOR IT.

IT IS SUPPOSED TO GET VERY FUCKING DIFFICULT BEFORE YOU REACH THAT AUTO-PILOT PHASE WHERE CREATIVITY BECOMES YOUR BEST FRIEND. Where it becomes FUN again. 

So keep pushing. Don’t give up just yet, you beautiful people. Stop being okay with just doing GOOD ENOUGH! Because —

‘The thing about good-enough is that you don’t know if it’s enough.” – Greg Pitt

AND WOULD YOU WANT TO TAKE THAT CHANCE? Because sure as hell wouldn’t! NOT AGAIN. I have had my fill of inconsistency and I AM DONE. YOU SHOULD BE TOO.

Take your blogs out of the hobby phase. COMMIT TO BETTER YOUR WRITING EVERY SINGLE DAY. 

Not for fame.
Not for the stats.
JUST FOR YOURSELF.

[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] How-To: Choose a Wife// A Step-by-Step Guide by Mr. Collins//

November 18th marked the arrival of Mr. Collinsa die-hard fan of the uppity minx residing at Rosings Park, Lady Catherine de Bourgh – at Longbourn.

His design in paying a visit to the lovely Bennet girls was to save them from destitution by, being the kind-hearted man as he was, offering his hand in marriage to whichever one may please his eye.

HOW CAN YOU REFUSE ADMITTANCE TO SUCH AN HONEST MAN? Mr. Bennet sure as hell didn’t for his curiosity wouldn’t have allowed him to. And thus, at four o’clock on a Monday afternoon, he paid the Bennets the great compliment of visiting them.

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With his most affected and insistent manners and a mouth that spoke nine kinds of wonder, he soon accomplished his goal of choosing his future companion.

Now, you must be wondering who the lucky girl was, right?
FORGET ABOUT THAT!
I’ll do you one betterI’ll let you in on his secrets of how to choose the perfect wife for yourself.

TAKE OUT YOUR NOTEPADS BECAUSE IT’S ABOUT TO GET WILD HERE PEOPLE!!

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COMPLIMENTS! COMPLIMENTS!! COMPLIMENTS!!!

From dining table to sofas to the boiled potatoesCOMPLIMENT EVERYTHING! You can never go wrong with a few words of praise. Everyone knows that.

BUT YOU HAVE TO MASTER THE ART OF OVERDOING IT.

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And don’t worry, if you fall short of things to compliment, START PRAISING YOUR PATRONESSLady Catherine de BourghIN FRONT OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO IDEA WHO THE FUCK SHE IS! Now, THAT’S a winning stroke I am telling you.

Tell about her to whoever is polite enough to not punch in the faceyour cousins, their parents, their aunts, their future love interest, strangers, dogs, worms. 

SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS!

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DON’T BE RIGID IN YOUR CHOICE

Mr. Collins is a very flexible man.

He understands the delicacy of the business of marriage and he knows how difficult it is to find a partner. And although as soon as he entered the house he chose Jane, the prettiest of the Bennet girls, as his future wife, he wasn’t unwilling to direct his attention from her to Elizabeth in a jiffy when he found out that his first choice was already spoken for.

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You see, it’s THIS casual attitude that ladies out there are looking for. Hop from one girl to another until you find someone crazy, lonely, and destitute enough to accept your hand in marriage.

THAT’S HOW THE PROS DO IT, BRO!

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THE LIGHTNESS OF YOUR FOOT

Ladies LOVE a man who is skilled in the art of dancing.
Bonus points if your skills can successfully mortify them at the most important ball of the season at Netherfield.

The more you are able to expose your partner to ridicule in the eyes of important people, the more chances you have of winning her heart!

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It’s like this – the more exasperated she becomes with you, the more she will be willing to put an end to the trauma of putting up with your ridiculous antics for your attention by JUST SAYING YES. *sigh*

I know it sounds crazy but our dear Mr. Collins SWEARS by it.

So you better listen and keep your rational thinking faaaar awaayyyyy, UNDERSTAND?

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Confess your love

THIS is the moment you’ve been waiting for and I know you must be thinking of a romantic proposal full of all the passion and love you feel for her.

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BUT WAIT!

You seeeeee, THAT’S where you are wrong. You gotta suppress your feelings about her and state your reasons for marriage in the following manner:

🤦🏻Your profession requires you to set an example of matrimony by marrying a girl from a well-off family.

🤦🏻Your esteemed patroness Lady Catherine de Bourgh requires you to choose a wife AS SOON AS FUCKING POSSIBLE, and you DARE NOT to disappoint her. 

🤦🏻You, in your kindness, want to save your cousin from homelessness by providing her and her family a place to live once you inherit their father’s estate. 

🤦🏻Tell her again that the GREAT AND MIGHTY Lady Catherine de Bourgh would like to see him marry either her or one of her sisters. 

🤦🏻Lastly, remind her that her lack of fortune doesn’t matter to him because the house she is living in right now will be his in the end anyway. 

COOL, RIGHT??!!

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IN THE END, MARRY HER BEST FRIEND INSTEAD

Now if even after following all these steps she refuses to add to YOUR happiness in life by marrying you, do not despair.
Do not lose heart.
There is hope for you yet. 

You just have to direct your attention towards her plain and emotionally vulnerable best friend. THAT’S RIGHT! You know she is a burden to her family and will accept anyone right now so don’t lose this opportunity of preying on her weakness.

GO AFTER HER!

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Your main objective should be to have a wife by the upcoming Tuesday. THAT IS IT! So don’t overthink, just take it all in your stride and you should be a happily married man by the end of the week.

THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS ANYWAY, RIIIIGGGGHHHTTTT????!!! 😉

laurels+flowers_0007_Vector Smart ObjectMan, I had SOO much fun writing this, YOU HAVE NOW IDEA!! *dies of laughter*

So, what did you think, huh? 😉
Do you agree with Mr. Collins’ advice?
Would you like to see a print version of this delightful guide? Because Penguin is desperate to publish it! xD