[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] Romeo and Juliet – Not REALLY in Love? //A RANT + Discussion//

It seems to me that the most common notion around Romeo and Juliet is that they were not REALLY in love; that it was just a result of their raging hormonesa pure infatuation.

I have to ask, what love is NOT based on a mutual desire to be with each other? IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE?! It seems to me that this is said purely for argument’s sake. ”They were NOT in love” makes you sound a bit cooler maybe? MORE ADULT? More in control of what you call ”foolish urges”?

Love is subjective – it can mean different things to different people. And you need to take into account the setting, the nature of the medium through which Romeo and Juliet’s love is portrayed and ,of course, their age. Don’t tell me that you never knew any couple in your teenage years whose romance – although started as soppy and rather cringey – later blossomed into a complete and mature love?

Passion is the same at any age. And if the argument is based on the fact that they seemingly fell in love at first sight, well DID YOU REALLY EXPECT SHAKESPEARE TO WASTE SCENES UPON SCENES ON COURTING? Would that have satisfied you? And more importantly, would that have made for an interesting read, do you think? A play is a play for a reason – it skips over the parts that would normally happen in a novel, for a very obvious reason – NOBODY wants to watch those normal and rather boring tidbits happening on a stage. WE JUST WANT THE GOOD PARTS. And that’s precisely why most of Shakespeare’s couples seem to fall in love so soon – sometimes within a matter of hours. THAT DOES NOT MAKE THEIR LOVE ANY LESS REAL.

Another point that ”mature” readers seem to make is that most of the decisions that Romeo and Juliet make throughout the play are childish. WELL, OF COURSE THEY ARE CHILDISH! Juliet is 13 for God’s sake. And Romeo is still just a teenager as well – DO YOU EXPECT THEM TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT EVERY SINGLE PRO AND CON OF EVERY SINGLE DECISION? I don’t.

And anyway, it’s not a childish play. It’s a play ABOUT childishness. It’s a play about a pure notion that a passionate love can surpass anything – even hatred. And it DOES. The families are left wrecked with guilt in the end. Tell me, wasn’t their hatred a bit childish as well? Didn’t they take it too far, way too far?! There was absolutely NO NEED – NO NEED whatsoever – for the family feud to continue. And yet it did. Their hate stemmed from reasons lost to time. WASN’T THAT CHILDISH AS WELL?

Romeo and Juliet’s love was pure, passionate, and naive – and it could have been SO MUCH MORE. That’s what makes their story even more tragic – two lovers with a rather happy life ahead of them doomed to die. WHY? Because their families couldn’t put aside their stupid hatred.

In the end, if anyone was REALLY childish – it was R+J’s parents because THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ADULTS! Their children’s actions are justifiable but their own? NOT A CHANCE.

For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo.


ANDDD…RANT OVER!
*Phew*
I am sorry I just HAD to say it! So many adult fans out there who think they are somehow above the beautiful, if a bit naive, love story that Romeo and Juliet shared!

What about you though?
Do you think theirs wasn’t a real love?
What’s your stance?

LET’S TALKKK!!!


[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] How-To: Criticize Your Lover Poetically// Shakespeare’s Guide to Tough-Love//

[Note: This guide is only meant for skilled writers. If you are a commoner looking to woo your girl, I’d suggest you check out Mr. Collins’ guide instead.]

Shakespeare’s Sonnet 130 holds a special place in my heart. Mainly because it was my life’s first one. And it wasn’t even by choice. You see I was sitting in the library – avoiding my Political Science lecture (I hated that teacher ugh) – when I decided to bide my time going through the books available there. While mindlessly searching for something I didn’t even want, I came across this cute, little hardcover titled – ”Shakespeare’s Sonnets” I immediately checked it out. And let me tell you IT HAD SOME OF THE MOST GRAPHIC IMAGES I HAD EVER LAID EYES ON! xD

Well, needless to say, I spent the whole period – 40 minutes- reading and re-reading random sonnets. And Sonnet 130 was the one that stood out to me the most.

But it wasn’t until I came across it again the other day that I realized Shakespeare was actually trying to teach us something through it’s medium and I had been blind to it this whole time: *gasps*

THE ART OF TOUGH-LOVE 🖤

This realization was immediately followed by an overwhelming urge to share it with everyone else, so that, FINALLY Shakespeare can rest in peace, knowing that we have grasped the hidden meaning now.

So, without further ado, let’s begin.

Prepare a List

Love is blind – until one day isn’t. There will come a time in your life when the magic will wear off and your girl’s inner Janice will start to show – with her weird hair and annoying laugh.


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You may choose to let those rather unbearable quirks slide at first but after a while, they may become too much to ignore. They almost always do.

In such cases as these, the very first thing you gotta do is MAKE A LIST OF EVERYTHING YOU FIND ANNOYING ABOUT YOUR PARTNER and make it as extensive as you can.

🌸 Dull Eyes? Check.
🌸Reeking Breath? Check.
🌸Pale cheeks? Check.
🌸 Wiry Hair? Check.
🌸 An unappealing Complexion? Check.

Comparisons are CRUCIAL.

As you must know already, the perfect woman must be the very embodiment of mother nature:

Her eyes as bright as the sun,
Her breasts plump and her complexion fair,
Her hair flowing, and her aroma rare.

Ever Man’s Fantasy

She must be delicate like a flower – rosy cheeks and soft to touch. Her voice should have the tenor of a goddess speaking from the heaven itself. 

All of these things should a woman possess and since YOUR lover doesn’t even come CLOSE to these standards, you are going to have to make some comparisons to hint it, in a not so subtle way.


Compose a Love-Poem

Now that you have gathered the basic material, you may find that it seems rather harsh, doesn’t it?

Well, our Shakesy has the perfect solution for your dilemma. You see, if you wanna soften the blow on your rather plain lover, you gotta compile your complaints and comparisons into a well structured love poemaka a sonnet.

Shakespeare was well practiced in the art of writing these sneaky little poemswritten to woo them girls apparently! And so, you MUST take some inspiration from his previous works to write the perfect sonnet. Also pay attention to how he cloaks his criticism with two rather conveniently placed sentences of flattery in the very end of his sonnets.

Now if you do the right amount of research and practice, your complaints should take the following form:

My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red, than her lips red:
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound:
I grant I never saw a goddess go,
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
   And yet by heaven, I think my love as rare,
   As any she belied with false compare.

Sonnet 130

Brilliant, isn’t it?

Now all that’s left for you to do is to –

Show it to your Lover.

And then you wait.

Wait for her as she opens the envelope in pure excitement.
Wait for her as her gaze falls on the very first line of the poem.
Wait for her as her eyebrows get furrowed and her eyes turn misty.
Wait for her as her sadness turns into pure rage.
Wait for her as her blood starts to boil and her teeth start to tatter.
Wait for her as she looks at you – not with the emotion you had expected (what DID you expect anyway?) but with rage.

AAANNDDD…

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Yep, there it is. YOUR ULTIMATE REWARD FOR YOUR SEEMINGLY “tough love”

Lesson?

Steer clear of the Shakesy guy, people. He’ll drown your love-boat more ruthlessly than the fucking iceberg that drowned Titanic. *shrugs*

I TOLD YOU! This was his main intention behind writing this sonnet! We were just too dumb to see it. MAN! I love him and his abilities to surprise us DECADES after his death.

But tell me, did you like his tips?
Would you like to refine it by adding some of your own? This is your chance. Share some of your ”tough-love” tips + experiences in the comments so that the rest of can benefit from them as well! 😉

Until Next time,

[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] The Inventor of Words, Writer of Tragedies, Master of Flattery – SHAKESPEARE

The man who gave us –

Hopeless lovers,
Stubborn shrews,
Witless men, and
Witches too.

YES! It’s BARD MONTH over here at THE WITHERING and you are all invited to celebrate it with me.

Shakespeare and I go way back because my love for him sprouted from a deep-rooted hatred!

I wasn’t all that little when my mum went to Penguin’s and got me a copy of King Lear – it was white, it was little, IT WAS DOWNRIGHT BORING. It seemed boring at least. I have been judging books by their cover since 2005 so, of course, I treated this little copy like a bad smell – avoiding it at all costs.


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I was already reading classics and that’s where my mother got the inspiration to introduce me to the sneaky Bard. But this time she had miscalculated. I hadn’t read a single play up until that point and I was very prejudiced about them.

For some reason, I had developed a strong belief that reading a play wouldn’t get me the kind of satisfaction that comes from reading a novel. BUT BOY WAS I ABOUT TO BE PROVED WRONG!

Mumma started getting strict with me about reading King Lear, and I don’t respond that well to pressure. So I defied, WITH ALL OF MY MIGHT. In response, she took away EVERY SINGLE OF MY BOOKS – except, of course, that rather ugly copy of King Lear.

You see, apart from playing out with friends in the evening and arguing with my brother all day long, I didn’t have much else to do. Summer holidays had already started so no school either.

In short, I was stuck – between reading something I despised or increasing argument time with my brother.

Naturally, I chose the former. The first few pages were – TORTURE, for want of a better word. I hated it – the old man and his three daughters. I HATED THEM. I HATED THEIR GUTS, I HATED EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING in that book. But that was about to change. As the play progressed, I found myself furrowing my eyebrows less and less.

How desperately had King Liar tried to be a FAMILY MAN and how pathetically had he failed!

It was a journey of mixed emotions – frustration prevailed, but so did anger (for his daughters), anticipation, hopelessness, and an unexpected burst of sadness when, in the end, King Lear dies of a broken heart.

Over the years, although I forgot the story a few scenes were still very clear in my memory like when Lear – stricken with the realization that none of his daughters want him – runs out of their house, wanders in the snowstorm – cold and all alone! I don’t know why but that scene – the way I pictured it back then – is still stuck in my mind and sends chills up my spine whenever I think of it.

My adoration for Shakespeare crept up on me stealthily and left me craving for more. I was genuinely surprised by how my views about his writing had changed – from aversion to love – all in a matter of a few pages.

I went on to read his sonnets, Taming of the Shrew, Julius Caesar, and THEN Romeo and Juliet. I was introduced to the rest when I started my Honors three years ago and honestly? It isn’t as much fun reading Shakespeare critically as it was back in school – because back then my ideas, my imagination wasn’t muddied by all those opinionated writers, analyzing his works to their hearts content.

BUT HEYYY! Hang on there, Rain! You are going to do the same as well so away with your bashing. *grins* Yep. That’s true! I will twist and turn his works and present them in a way that’s enjoyable to everyone – literary and non-literary folks alike. Sound good? Okay then.

Here’s to an awesome Bard Month and to start it off on a more collective note, why don’t you guys share your experiences with Shakespeare in the comments?
Your first sonnet? First play? Your favorite one?
I WANNA KNOW EVERYTHING! So, let’s chat!






[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] How-To: Propose To A Perfectly Tolerable Girl// A Step-by-Step Guide By Mr. Darcy a.k.a THE PEMBERLEY MAN//

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife”

HOW VERY TRUE!

Even the ones that don’t think they want one, SECRETLY DOOOO!!!!! Everyone wants a wife. And those who GENUINELY DON’T change their perception once they get one!

It’s just the truth of life. AND WE MUST ACCEPT IT. ALL OF US. Yes, even Mr. Darcy.

I am pretty sure that when he entered the Longbourn ball that fateful evening, he must be so sure that he won’t like anyone in this god-forsaken country. BOY, WAS HE IN FOR A WORLD OF SURPRISE!

Our dear Lizzie bewitched his mind the very moment he brushed her off as ”not pretty enough to tempt me.” From there, it was all rolling and falling in love for our dear Pemberley Man. But he approached his adoration for the second eldest Bennet sister with utmost precision and skill!

READ ON TO FIND OUT HOW!

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🌸 Condition Her Mind Beforehand

I see.
I like.
I propose.

WHOA!
Hold your horses there, Mr. Collins’ descendant! This is not one of your DEPRESSED & DEPRIVED cases.

It’s about the girl with fine eyes, tolerable teeth, and a conceited sense of freedom. She likes long walks, witty talks, and MOST OF ALL – SHE LIKES TO JUDGE PEOPLE! So you can’t just barge in there with a proposal, you’ll make a fool of yourself.

You need to condition her mind first –  acclimatize it in such a way that she starts seeing you as her future husband. This is easy and can be achieved in a few simple steps:

🎄The first time you guys meet, look at her with flared nostrils and uninterested eyes. You must look a bit constipated too as if the very sight of her face is puke-inducing.

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This one’s NOT MINE! 🙂 ❤

🎄Refuse to dance with her when your friend is suggesting her as your dance partner, while she is CLEARLY in the earshot of your conversation. THAT OUGHTTA GET HER MIND RUNNING! 

🎄Convince the man who is in love with her sister to go away and leave her heartbroken. TOUGH LOVE, DUDE! It’s a THING! LOOK IT UP. 

laurels+flowers_0007_Vector Smart Object🌸 Stares and Dances

It’s all about the eyes, man. Girls LOVE it when you compliment their eyes.

But YOU aren’t some commoner. YOU ARE THE PEMBERLEY MAN. And you have to step up your game.

🎄This can be achieved by staring at her at THE MOST inconvenient times possible.  Preferably when that gold-digger Caroline Bingley is nearby. [ Really though, YOU OUGHT TO ASK THAT INSUFFERABLE WOMAN TO LEAVE YOU THE FUCK ALONE!]

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🎄After a few inconvenient stare-offs in public, you have to take it to yet another level again and ask her for a dance at the Netherfield Ball. 

Now, I know it’s beneath your status to dance with only a tolerable-looking girl but hey, do you want to marry her or not? Well, then. Ask her for a dance and be silent.

BE SILENT AS A GRAVE.
UNLESS she herself breaks the ice. THEN you can go ahead and add one or two witty remarks.
BUT DON’T OVERDO IT. BECOME SILENT AGAIN

laurels+flowers_0007_Vector Smart Object🌸 Surprise, Surprise!

By now you must have managed to imprint her mind with your image (whether an agreeable one or not THAT we will find out later! ) Youwith your uncomfortable encounters and unwilling complimentshave successfully conditioned her mind and she is now ready to be proposed to.

Now as you may already know, a proposal is a VERY big step (DUH!) and must be planned out in detail. You have to pick the right spot and you must make sure that she is in a good mood before you do it. 

So, NATURALLY you gotta go to her RIGHT AFTER SHE FINDS OUT THAT YOU RUINED HER SISTER’S HAPPINESS (that was a classy move, I must say!) and blurt out your confession in the following manner:

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🎄Say this, ”In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

🎄Her reaction to such a display of affection will surely be of shock and a deep blush. Encouraged by this healthy display of OBVIOUS FEMININE ENCOURAGEMENT, you must go on and on and on about how her situation in life is CLEARLY beneath you, about how you are risking a complete social abandonment by making you his wife. 

🎄Don’t forget to add the fact that you think her younger sisters are ABSOLUTELY FUCKING RIDICULOUS and that her mother is THE MOST INSUFFERABLE OF THEM ALL! Tell her that even her father is a bit thoughtless from time to time.

🎄Lastly, let her know that she must ”END YOUR AGONY” by accepting your offer of marriage. 

AS THEY SAY, HONESTY —–and whatever! 

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🌸RESULT TIME!

When she refuses, WHICH SHE WILL, rethink your life choices, alright?

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I hope that all of you have learnt something from Mr. Darcy’s proposal today. 
NEVER PROPOSE WHEN YOUR GIRL HAS A HEADACHE, YOU GUYS! *eye-rolling intensifies*

[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] How-To: Be an Accomplished Woman// A Step-by-Step Guide by Caroline Bingley//

Did you know that there are less than a dozen women out there that can TRULY be called accomplished?

Miss Caroline Bingley of Netherfield gravely remarks, in an interview with The Derbyshire News, on this declining number of the truly genius among her own sex.

”It’s most distressing. Just another I was telling Mr. Darcy (you know THE OWNER OF Pemberley! An EXCELLENT MAN) that something NEEDS to be done urgently if we are to fix this problem. But the fault lies with the population of Longbourn, to be honest. ESPECIALLY THE BENNET LADIES. Their distaste in fashion and yet the conceited self importance they hold themselves in is the main issue here.’

And in addition to such remarkable comments on the rapidly decreasing genius of women, Miss Bingley has also agreed to share with us some pointers to help the ordinary women be THE MOST ACCOMPLISHED VERSION OF HERSELF!

Let’s have a look, shall we?

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SNOBBERY

The first step, it seems, to being a most accomplished woman is possessing the ability to despise everything and everyone you ever come in contact with. Unless of course, it’s Mr. Darcy of Pemberley. THEN you may go ahead and praise the fuck out of everything the gentleman does.

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But for every other human being, you must be the epitome of unpleasantness.

You MUST look hideously displeased with everything around you. You see the REALLY accomplished women NEVER show their pleasant sides to ANYONE. They go through the world discontentedly and are never happy with meeting new people, certainly not the ones who can pose a threat to their plan of bagging the…the…yeah the Pemberley guy.

So ladies, if you want to be known as an accomplished woman, you better be prepared for a LOTTTT of frown lines, you understand?

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”SOMETHING IN HER AIR”

(whatever THAT means!)

This is something Caroline Bingley ABSOLUTELY INSISTS UPON. But she is a bit vague about what kind of ”air” an accomplished woman is supposed to have and that has got me wondering. Well, let’s hear it from Miss. Bingley, shall we?

Got a clearer idea now?

What Miss Uptighty-pants is trying to tell us here is that an ACCOMPLISHED woman must make herself memorable to everyone and this she can easily achieve by being a rigid, stinkin’ mess.

So get rid of those perfumes girls because it’s time to let your inner unpleasantness shine through. 😉

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HOME-WRECKER

Listen to me VERY carefully now:

A TRULY ACCOMPLISHED WOMAN never let’s such things as her brother’s happiness get in the way of her own convenience. Whenever she sees a threat to her own hopes and dreams, she starts thinking ways to eliminate it.

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And we see this method in effect when realizing that her brother is a great deal too attached to the eldest Miss Bennet and getting a glimpse of her potential future – FULL OF Mrs. bennet’s frequent visits at Netherfield – she persuades Mr. Bingley to move and makes him believe that it’s for his own good.

So you see the level of manipulation going on here? And if you want to be at Caroline’s level, you’ve got to learn this art as well.

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THE GOSSIP-GIRL

Apart from having a thorough knowledge of singing, drawing, dancing, and modern languages, a well-accomplished woman must also be well adept in the art of gossiping.

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Because when tragedy strikes and you are made aware of the fact that your ALMOST future-husband is falling for someone else, it’s the sly remarks about those ‘fine eyes” that will make the man uncomfortable enough to drop the topic altogether.

You and (preferably) your older sister MUST belittle everyone around you. THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET NOTICED BY THE PEMBERLEY MAN!

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As you can see, Miss. Caroline Bingley clearly knows what she’s about.
And she isn’t afraid to admit it.
You too can achieve that level of conceit!

All you have to do is follow the above-mentioned steps and you’ll be good to go!

(PS: I couldn’t find any suitable gifs so I made these as well. I hope you liked them.<3 )

[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] How-To: Unburden Your House// Mrs. Bennet’s Guide to Marrying off 3/5 of Your Daughters in Less Than a Year//

”She was a woman of mean understanding, little information, and uncertain temper. When she was discontented she fancied herself nervous. The business of her life was to get her daughters married; its solace was visiting and news.

This is the very first account that we get of Mrs. Bennet’s character. She is a typical mother of little or no knowledge of important affairs with only her beauty to recommend her. Not that that’s a little achievement!

Mr. Bennet himself was swept off his feet by her ”fair share of beauty”, enough for him to make her an offer of marriage.

giphy-11So, now you see Mrs. Bennet is very adept in the arts of matchmaking, of inducing feelings of love in the hearts of another – both for herself and for her daughters. So skilled is she that she is able to marry off 3 out of 5 of her daughters in less than a year! AND ONE OF THEM AT FIFTEEN TOO!

I M A G I N E   T H A T!

So, you see there is NO ONE BETTER to give you pointers on how to find eligible partners for your daughters than our very own excitable Mrs. Bennet.

So, ladies, take notes because it’s about to get pretty educational here!

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THEM FLUTTERING NERVES!

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When your husband refuses to visit a single man of a large fortune, who is CLEARLY in want of a wife by the way, for the sake of your daughters, WHAT DO YOU DO?

🌸You quietly accept defeat.
🌸You start to devise other ways to get acquainted with the man.
🌸You try to convince your husband in a polite, orderly fashion.

Did you choose any of the above-stated options?

If yes then your daughters will forever remain alone. Mrs. Bennet actually has another tactic that works like a charm EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

You see, you have got to behave erraticallyshouting all day, blaming your poor nerves, taunting your husband indirectly – SOO MUCH THAT HE HAS NO OTHER OPTION BUT TO YIELD TO YOUR WISHES. Got it? Now practice timeee!!! 😉

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BOAST YOUR HEART OUT!

When you have a most beautiful daughterso pretty that men fall head over heels in love with her wherever she goeswhy the FUCK would you keep her hidden? 

You have been given a wonderful opportunity to make everyone feel ashamed of themselves. WHY NOT TAKE IT?

WHY TALK SENSIBLY WHEN YOU CAN BEHAVE IRRATIONALLY INSTEAD?

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So when your daughter’s future love interest praises one of her friends, you do not let the opportunity pass by. 
Make it plain as the nose on Mr. Bingley’s face that THERE IS NO ONE BETTER OR MORE HANDSOME IN THE WHOLE OF ENGLAND THAN YOUR DEAR, SWEET Jane, ALRIGHTTT????!!!

laurels+flowers_0007_Vector Smart ObjectPLAY THE WITCH🔮

Apart from loving your children partially, manipulating them, and spoiling them, a good mother must also possess the art of witchcraft like the ability to control the weather.

And Mrs. Bennet, being the perfect mother that she is, is 13764850985% skilled in this department. And a good thing too because when her dear Jane received an invitation from Miss Bingley to dine at Netherfield, her brain started churning out terabytes per second, thinking of ways to make Jane’s visit to her future husband’s house as long as possible.

AND THIS IS WHERE HER WITCHY SKILLS CAME IN HANDY!

She sent her daughter on a horseback instead of a carriage because SHE WAS SUREE that it would rain later and then Jane would HAVE to stay there. AND SHE WAS RIGHT!

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But HOW WAS SHE SO SURE ABOUT HER PLAN?
*whispers* Because she is secretly a very powerful witch! 

laurels+flowers_0007_Vector Smart ObjectSPOIL ‘EM YOUNG

You are a (proud?) mother of five daughters. All day, every day only a single thought plagues your mind –

MARRIAGE. MARRIAGE. MARRIIAAGGEEEE!!!!

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And since you cannot POSSIBLY be as attentive to ALL of their prospects, sometimes you just gotta let them choose for themselves. Raise your daughters, PREFERABLY THE YOUNGEST ONE, as headstrong and foolish enough so that ALL THEY CAN THINK ABOUT IS MEN.

With this kind of golden thinking, you can be sure of a *fairly* well-settled, married daughter at the ridiculously young age of fifteen with little effort from your side.

SMOOTH, RIGHT???!

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DON’T GIVE THE SECOND ONE ANY THOUGHT!

Mrs. Bennet is a very intuitive woman.
AND VERY PROUD ONE.

When she saw that her second (and least favorite) daughter, Elizabeth, didn’t want her expert advice on ANYTHING let alone on marital affairs, she had the good sense to withdraw her services and leave Lizzie to her own devices.

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She is too proud to beg for her to consider her opinions. And rightly so because when Lizzie saw that she wasn’t going to get any help from her family, she was forced to be independent in her affairs and THAT LED TO HER BAGGING THE RICHEST MAN IN THE WHOLE OF DERBYSHIRE!!!

*SCREEEAAAMMSSSS*

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Isn’t she THE CLEVEREST WOMAN TO EVER WALK THE FICTIONAL EARTH??!!!!! 

Sooo…do you agree with Mrs. Bennet’s advice, then? I think she is pretty good at this matchmaking stuff (not better than Emma though *wink-wink*) RIGHTTT?!!!

And WHAT DID YOU THINK OF ALLL THE GIFS?!?!!
I MADE THEM!

I MADE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEMM!!! AREN’T THEY SOOO VERRYYY VERYY PRETTYY!!??? *heart eyes* *dies*

[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] How-To: Choose a Wife// A Step-by-Step Guide by Mr. Collins//

November 18th marked the arrival of Mr. Collinsa die-hard fan of the uppity minx residing at Rosings Park, Lady Catherine de Bourgh – at Longbourn.

His design in paying a visit to the lovely Bennet girls was to save them from destitution by, being the kind-hearted man as he was, offering his hand in marriage to whichever one may please his eye.

HOW CAN YOU REFUSE ADMITTANCE TO SUCH AN HONEST MAN? Mr. Bennet sure as hell didn’t for his curiosity wouldn’t have allowed him to. And thus, at four o’clock on a Monday afternoon, he paid the Bennets the great compliment of visiting them.

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With his most affected and insistent manners and a mouth that spoke nine kinds of wonder, he soon accomplished his goal of choosing his future companion.

Now, you must be wondering who the lucky girl was, right?
FORGET ABOUT THAT!
I’ll do you one betterI’ll let you in on his secrets of how to choose the perfect wife for yourself.

TAKE OUT YOUR NOTEPADS BECAUSE IT’S ABOUT TO GET WILD HERE PEOPLE!!

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COMPLIMENTS! COMPLIMENTS!! COMPLIMENTS!!!

From dining table to sofas to the boiled potatoesCOMPLIMENT EVERYTHING! You can never go wrong with a few words of praise. Everyone knows that.

BUT YOU HAVE TO MASTER THE ART OF OVERDOING IT.

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And don’t worry, if you fall short of things to compliment, START PRAISING YOUR PATRONESSLady Catherine de BourghIN FRONT OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO IDEA WHO THE FUCK SHE IS! Now, THAT’S a winning stroke I am telling you.

Tell about her to whoever is polite enough to not punch in the faceyour cousins, their parents, their aunts, their future love interest, strangers, dogs, worms. 

SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS!

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DON’T BE RIGID IN YOUR CHOICE

Mr. Collins is a very flexible man.

He understands the delicacy of the business of marriage and he knows how difficult it is to find a partner. And although as soon as he entered the house he chose Jane, the prettiest of the Bennet girls, as his future wife, he wasn’t unwilling to direct his attention from her to Elizabeth in a jiffy when he found out that his first choice was already spoken for.

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You see, it’s THIS casual attitude that ladies out there are looking for. Hop from one girl to another until you find someone crazy, lonely, and destitute enough to accept your hand in marriage.

THAT’S HOW THE PROS DO IT, BRO!

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THE LIGHTNESS OF YOUR FOOT

Ladies LOVE a man who is skilled in the art of dancing.
Bonus points if your skills can successfully mortify them at the most important ball of the season at Netherfield.

The more you are able to expose your partner to ridicule in the eyes of important people, the more chances you have of winning her heart!

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It’s like this – the more exasperated she becomes with you, the more she will be willing to put an end to the trauma of putting up with your ridiculous antics for your attention by JUST SAYING YES. *sigh*

I know it sounds crazy but our dear Mr. Collins SWEARS by it.

So you better listen and keep your rational thinking faaaar awaayyyyy, UNDERSTAND?

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Confess your love

THIS is the moment you’ve been waiting for and I know you must be thinking of a romantic proposal full of all the passion and love you feel for her.

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BUT WAIT!

You seeeeee, THAT’S where you are wrong. You gotta suppress your feelings about her and state your reasons for marriage in the following manner:

🤦🏻Your profession requires you to set an example of matrimony by marrying a girl from a well-off family.

🤦🏻Your esteemed patroness Lady Catherine de Bourgh requires you to choose a wife AS SOON AS FUCKING POSSIBLE, and you DARE NOT to disappoint her. 

🤦🏻You, in your kindness, want to save your cousin from homelessness by providing her and her family a place to live once you inherit their father’s estate. 

🤦🏻Tell her again that the GREAT AND MIGHTY Lady Catherine de Bourgh would like to see him marry either her or one of her sisters. 

🤦🏻Lastly, remind her that her lack of fortune doesn’t matter to him because the house she is living in right now will be his in the end anyway. 

COOL, RIGHT??!!

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IN THE END, MARRY HER BEST FRIEND INSTEAD

Now if even after following all these steps she refuses to add to YOUR happiness in life by marrying you, do not despair.
Do not lose heart.
There is hope for you yet. 

You just have to direct your attention towards her plain and emotionally vulnerable best friend. THAT’S RIGHT! You know she is a burden to her family and will accept anyone right now so don’t lose this opportunity of preying on her weakness.

GO AFTER HER!

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Your main objective should be to have a wife by the upcoming Tuesday. THAT IS IT! So don’t overthink, just take it all in your stride and you should be a happily married man by the end of the week.

THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS ANYWAY, RIIIIGGGGHHHTTTT????!!! 😉

laurels+flowers_0007_Vector Smart ObjectMan, I had SOO much fun writing this, YOU HAVE NOW IDEA!! *dies of laughter*

So, what did you think, huh? 😉
Do you agree with Mr. Collins’ advice?
Would you like to see a print version of this delightful guide? Because Penguin is desperate to publish it! xD

[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] Ballrooms, Red Coats and £10,000 A YEAR//Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen//

”It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”

And just like that, I am back home again.

Some of you already know that I started my Classics journey with Pride and Prejudice. Mumma gave me an abridged version of it – full of images of Darcy and Elizabeth dancing, Mrs. Bennet talking outlandishly, Darcy giving Lizzie the letter – and it sparked a desire in me, a desire to know more, a desire to know AS MUCH THERE WAS TO KNOW ABOUT THESE CHARACTERS, ABOUT THIS AUTHOR!

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This little version of Pride and Prejudice became my best friend. I would take it to school, show it off to my friends (who, by the way, were sick of me going on and on about it),  daydream about it!  I was in love with all of these lovely characters and their lovely stories.

Then my aunt, upon seeing how madly in love with it I was, gave me her mother’s copy of the same. It was yellowed, frayed, the pages were flying every which way and still, it was, to me, the MOST GORGEOUS THING I HAD EVER HELD! ️

It was a memory within memory and I loved that thought.

Many times I was tempted to get it bound and all fixed up but then it’d have lost all the rawness, all the beauty of it! I mean what difference would then have been between a brand new copy and this one? I wanted it to remain JUST THE SAME, no alterations needed. And I have kept it intact, every single page intact. And I am SOOO proud of it!

When I first got it, I couldn’t have been more than 11 years old and my little mind couldn’t really make much sense of the words. Although I knew the story, the complete version still felt like unknown territory. I was having real trouble getting into it. 

BUT I WAS DETERMINED!

I read it, asked mumma about the phrases I couldn’t understand but she soon started to get irritated 🤣. After that, I kept to myself but didn’t stop reading it even when I couldn’t understand what was going on. The second read was a bit easier. And by the third time, I started comprehending everything. Still, I went on to read it TWICE MORE!

SUCH WAS MY OBSESSION WITH THIS BOOK!

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Even today as I recall all those memories, my mind is filled with vivid nostalgia and it is one of the warmest feelings ever.

I don’t know who I’d have been today if it wasn’t for my love for this book. It changed the course of my attention, the very nature of my thoughts and influenced my daily life in the SUBTLEST WAYS IMAGINABLE! 

Miss Austen has bewitched my mind and I LOVE HER FOR IT! And to celebrate this passion, I will be sharing all things Pride and Prejudice, apart from other things, of course.  I hope you’ll enjoy reading them! 

[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] The Last Letter

Having read, re-read, re-re-read all of these lovely letters countless times, I was actually quite excited to start this series here.

AND THE RESPONSE I GOT FROM ALL OF YOU MADE IT EVEN MORE SPECIAL!!!! I got into it with a mindset that people aren’t going to like them that much so you can imagine the extent of my happiness when you shared your thoughts and reflections on EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.

So, thank you soo much for increasing my excitement for these beautiful letters. I LOVE YOU ALLL!

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And now I am sad that this is going to be the last one in this series. ALAS! I was having SOO MUCH FUN discussing them with you! 😦 Maybe I will bring them back again? *EXCITED AT THE THOUGHT*

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We started this journey – this wonderful journey – with a passionate display of John Keats’ feelings for Fanny Brawne spilled naked on the parchment. It only makes sense that that’s EXACTLY how we should end it.

I got my first copy of Complete Poems and Selected Letters of JOHN KEATS exactly 5 years ago. I was very much into metaphysics back then and Keats was one of my favorites. When my friend showed me his letter to Fanny, the very first that I shared with you, I fell even more in love with his love for her. Destined to die at a very young age, his letters were infused with the imminence of death and a longing for days he, sadly, will never be able to witness.

It was this sadness that drew me to him even more.

He once said – “Nothing ever becomes real ’til it is experienced.True. His love, his desire, the depth of his heart – I experienced it all with misty eyes. All of it. And the only question this experience left on my lips was –

WHY MUST THE GREAT DIE SO YOUNG? 

”Love is my religion.
I could die for that.
I could die for you.”

These words haunt my mind still. And I have a feeling that they forever will. 

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To Fanny Brawne, 25 July 1819

Sunday Night.

My sweet Girl,

I hope you did not blame me much for not obeying your request of a letter on Saturday: we have had four in our small room playing cards night and morning leaving me no undisturb’d opportunity to write. Now Rice and Martin are gone, I am at liberty. Brown to my sorrow confirms the account you give of your ill health.

You cannot conceive how I ache to be with you: how I would die for one hour – for what is in the world? I say you cannot conceive; it is impossible you should look with such eyes upon me as I have upon you: it cannot be. Forgive me if I wander a little this evening, for I have been all day employ’d in a very abstract Poem and I am in deep love with you – two things which must excuse me.

I have, believe me, not been an age in letting you take possession of me; the very first week I knew you I wrote myself your vassal; but burnt the Letter as the very next time I saw you I thought you manifested some dislike to me. If you should ever feel for a Man at the first sight what I did for you, I am lost. Yet I should not quarrel with you, but hate myself if such a thing were to happen – only I should burst if the thing were not as fine as a Man as you are as a Woman. Perhaps I am too vehement, then fancy me on my knees, especially when I mention of part of your Letter which hurt me; you say speaking of Mr. Seven ‘but you must be satisfied in knowing that I admired you much more than your friend.’ My dear love, I cannot believe there ever was or ever could be any thing to admire in me especially as far as sight goes – I cannot be admired, I am not a thing to be admired. You are, I love you; all I can bring you is a swooning admiration of your Beauty.

I hold that place among Men which snub-nos’d brunettes with meeting eyebrows do among women – they are trash to me –unless I should find one among them with a fire in her heart like the one that burns in mine. You absorb me in spite of myself – you alone: for I look not forward with any pleasure to what is call’d being settled in the world; I tremble at domestic cares – yet for you I would meet them, though if it would leave you the happier I would rather die than do so.

I have two luxuries to brood over in my walks, your Loveliness and the hour of my death. O that I could have possession of them both in the same minute. I hate the world: it batters me too much the wings of my self-will, and would I could take a sweet poison from your lips to send me out of it. From no others would I take it. I am indeed astonish’d to find myself so careless of all charms but yours – remembering as I do the time when even a bit of ribband was a matter of interest with me.

What softer words can I find for you after this – what it is I will not read. Now will I say more here, but in a Postscript answer any thing else you may have mentioned in your Letter in so many words – for I am distracted with a thousand thoughts. I will imagine you Venus to night and pray, pray, pray to your star like a Heathen.

Your’s ever, fair Star,
John Keats.

(I have omitted the postscript.)

His love.
His Venus.
His Star.

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Keats loved Fanny the way everyone wants to be loved. What fleeting joys all the rest of them will be if a heart hasn’t known such love, such burning passion!

”A thing of Beauty is a joy forever.”

Indeed. Indeed. For I will treasure every single word you ever wrote, will inscribe it in my heart, will take it with me whichever world I go to next.

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I really hope you enjoyed this series as much as I did! I had so much fun sharing and discussing with you these wonderful letters. ❤
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR LOVE. ❤  YOU GUYS ARE THE BESTEST!!!

[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] A Beautiful, Little Fool// Zelda’s letter to F. Scott Fitzgerald//

“His heart beat faster and faster as Daisy’s white face came up to his own. He knew that when he kissed this girl, and forever wed his unutterable visions to her perishable breath, his mind would never romp again like the mind of God. So he waited, listening for a moment longer to the tuning fork that had been struck upon a star. Then he kissed her. At his lips’ touch she blossomed like a flower and the incarnation was complete.”

The Great Gatsby is one of those stories that never leave my heart. I might not always be aware but it always stays in the background. I can hear the slow and tragic music in the depth of my being – clear and inviting.

And while reading Zelda Fitzgerald’s letters to her husband I couldn’t help but imagine her as much of a fool in love as was Gatsby.

Continue reading “[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] A Beautiful, Little Fool// Zelda’s letter to F. Scott Fitzgerald//”