[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] The Story that Stole OUR HEARTS and NEVER Gave it Back //Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone//

”NO POSTS ON SUNDAYS!!” – probably the last sentence Mr Dursley ever uttered with joy!

High school finals + my copy of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone hidden behind THAT BIG BULKY Biology book, which merely served as a decoy to fool mumma! ;p

I didn’t get to read Harry Potter as a kid but the magic was just the same even at seventeen which was when I experienced this magical world for the first time (through the written word, I mean) I WENT CRAZYYY!! I would read it before going to bed IN BEDbefore going to school after schoolTHE WHOLE FUCKING DAY. Which was probably why I scored so less in Chemistry but that’s a different issue altogether! ;p

Having watched ALL of the movies as an 11 year old, I knew about the plot but NOTHING could have prepared me for the absolutely enchanting world that was waiting for me in those pages! OH THE MAGIC – it pulled me in FROM THE VERY FIRST SENTENCE. Rowling’s way of writing is just as gorgeous as the world she has created and THE FIRST TIME I JOURNEYED INTO IT, I wanted to lock the door behind me so that no one could come looking!

This one time, I took my copy of Order of The Phoenix into the bath – because mumma would’ve been FURIOUS had she seen me reading it during exams – and accidentally dropped it in water. I CRIED MY EYES OUT THAT DAY! But….it didn’t stop me from continuing the journey, of course.

My love affair with Harry Potter – the books AND the movies – is more than a decade old and with each passing re-read, it turns into something even more magical but BY GOD I WISH I COULD GO BACK IN TIME AND EXPERIENCE IT WITH FRESH EYES ALL OVER AGAIN!

I could talk on and on about how I used to imagine getting my very own Hogwarts letter, packing up, and leaving the boring muggle life behind me; how fascinated I was with their book-lists at the start of each term and how I jumped up and down with joy when I discovered Quidditch Through the Ages, Tales of Beedle the Brad, and Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them –

I could talk about all that RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW but that would take up WAY TOO MUCH SPACE so INSTEAD I have decided to choose the first Harry Potter book for the Bookish Obsessions for this month. AND IT’S GOING TO BE A HELL LOT OF FUN!!!

Soooooo??? ARE YOU READY to relive this magical book ONCE AGAIN, HUH??!?! 😉

[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] The Earthenware Bowl – YOUR WAKE UP CALL //The Old Man and His Grandson//

“Bava, tell me about Krishna’s adventures again.” I asked for the hundredth time. He opened that big, red book yet again – full of pictures of a blue boy with a peacock feather on his head and mischief in his eyes. *heart eyes forever*

I was (still am) in love with this cosmic boy. But even more than that, I was in love with the way my grandpa recounted all his stories – his wrinkled eyes gleaming with knowledge, experience, and magic.

He was my Gandalf – taking me on one adventure after another. Those days I used to spend at my grandparents’ during the summer and winter vacations were THE BEST AND THE MOST MAGICAL OF TIMES! And even today, whenever he visits, we talk about all those stories because even though I have heard them a hundred times, they still don’t get old – not when he is the narrator.

The things that I don’t like when my parents say, I listen to when my granddad says. 

And then there was this little boy who witnessed his parents treating his grandpa like shit – like he didn’t matter at all. The way he ate – spilling the food here and there – because you see his fingers had begun to tremble. 90 years in this godforsaken world does that. It’s completely normal but apparently, the boy’s parents didn’t think that.

The old man was weak of eyes, ears, and knees but all of that didn’t seem to matter to the boy’s parents.

They made him eat on the floorout of a dirty earthenware while the rest of the family dined on the table. It was too painful to imagine his eyes full of tears and heart full of despair as he retraced, in his mind, every single step of his parenting- wondering where he got it all wrong; wondering if it was’t all his fault that his children turned out to be so uncaring and selfish.

It’s baffling, isn’t it? The very man who raised them, made them capable of earning a living, moving through the world undeterredwas bring treated like the dirt of their shameless shoes.

But kids see it all. We think that they are too young to notice anything and ACTUALLY THINK about such issues but they aren’t. They notice everything, keep it in their hearts. I know I did – things that although I cannot disclose here – they did leave an impact too great for a little heart to bear.

And the grandson – observing this injustice and hatred – took it to himself to do what he could. I don’t know if he did so with an intention to make his parents realise their harsh mistake or just out of the purity of his heart, but he took to fashioning a bowl – similar to the one his grandpa was made to eat out of.

Naturally, his parents – upon seeing this – inquired why he was doing so, to which he replied – ”It’s for you to eat in when you get older.”

Fairy talesyes even Grimm Brothers’ are so optimistic that his parents immediately realised their mistake and apologised to their father/in-law. But in the real world, that’s not the case. Here, you see similar things happen day in and day out and nobody even gives a single thought about their actions and how they hurt people – even the ones they ACTUALLY LOVE!

How can you even do that – DELIBERATELY HURTING YOUR LOVED ONE? Doesn’t it feel like something sharp in your heart? Are you able to fall asleep peacefully at night KNOWING that there is someone lying awake, staining their pillow wet because of what YOU said or did?

So, it’s time for some self-reflection, don’t you think?

Because remember that your kids, the people around you – they all notice how you treat others and although they might not comment on it right away or even express their displeasure, THEY WILL consciously or not TREAT YOU THE EXACT SAME WAY.

You get what you deserve.

And this little story very clearly reminds us of this truth, don’t you think?





[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] The Bright Sun Will Bring It To Light //Grimm’s Fairy tales//

A murder.
A guilty conscience.
A revelation.

Where do you go to escape from yourself, from your own mind?

No matter how far you run you can never leave that small voice in your heart behindthe guiding angel that’s present in all of us showing us the most truthful mirror ever that shows us just as we really are.

All of us are hiding something – some dark truth, some humiliation, some desperation. And the tailor’s apprentice – the main character of our story – was too. Falling on hard times, he grew so desperate for money that he reported to killing someone! The Jew he decided not to believe when he said he only has eight farthings – before leaving the world – uttered the following words:

“The Bright Sun Will Bring It To Light”

Although the apprentice didn’t pay much attention to his words then – carried them in his heart as he moved forward in life, married, and had children.

But the guilt was festering in his heart something dark and malignant at a rapid rate. He couldn’t see it yet but there was not a single day when his mind didn’t decide to torment him with the memory of his horrible crime. The flashes of those images – killing a man, dragging him to hide behind a tree, going on as if nothing happened – must have played horrible tricks on his mind.

On one particular morning, as he was waiting by the window for his wife to bring him coffee, he saw sunlight dancing in the liquid, jogging up memories of the event he never really forgot and before he knew it, he uttered the same words as Jew did when he died, in front of his wife.

A woman as she was – a woman in the grip of curiosity – she MADE HIM CONFESS THE SECRET BEHIND THAT SENTENCE.

She was dumbfounded, for sure. And her need to protect her husband was great indeed, which is why she promised never to utter those words ever again. But, it seems that her need for gossip was greater. *shrugs*

First she only confided in her friend with this larger than life, closer to death secret. But if Pretty Little Liars has taught us anything, it’s that –

Two can keep a secret IF one of them is dead.

-which, alas, wasn’t the case here. And very soon, the apprentice’s dirty laundry was out in the open for the whole town to see and condemn him for. It’s amazing, isn’t it? How subtle the threads were that lead to his downfall!

Does time heal all wounds?

Yes. It does. But it doesn’t hide the one who afflicted those wounds. The Jew was the victim here and he got justice – the law of nature saw to that. And the apprentice – guilt ridden as he was – was made to pay his dues. Because his true nature demanded it.

I have found from experience that the human soul isn’t made to carry as big a burden as comes with guilt. No matter how big or small, we always have that urge to atone. To make peace with whoever we wronged.

I was a rebellious teenager. Doing things just because my parents didn’t like them gave me joy. Was it joy? (NOPEEEEEE) Or just an effort to look cool? (100000%) I don’t know. But yes, I frequently disobeyed my mum and dad. My teachers. Everyone who dared tell me the distinction between right and wrong.

And one day I suffered because of it. My parents were called. I had to sit at home for a week – listening to them bash me, for valid reason, of course. But I didn’t care.I spoke back. Hurled at them the meanest words you could possibly imagine. They were hurt. Especially my father.

A day passed. Two did. A week. But no one spoke to me. I felt deaf. Irritated. Angry. At myself. At everyone.

Finally, I came to the realisation that it was the guilt of what I had said – of the fact that I had hurt them with my words – that wasn’t letting me rest. And it wasn’t until I apologised and they forgave that my heart found peace.

Such a little incident, isn’t it?

And yet, guilt overpowered me just as it overpowered the apprentice, even though the gravity of the situation was decidedly different in both these cases.

No doubt he must have felt light as a feather after confessing to his wife. In those precious few moments he must have felt the kind of freedom he couldn’t for many, many years! And hidden even in his condemnation was his joy – that he didn’t have to live a lie any longer; that the weight of the secret, of the hurt he inflicted was off his chest now.

There is satisfaction in that.

In the end, no matter how deep you choose to bury your mistakes, no matter how many blind eyes you turn, the sun’s bright rays of truth always bring it to light.

So, remember dear readers – read your books; eat your veggies; and confess your wrongdoings – no matter how small. And anyway, there is no bigger misdeed than hurting someone to an extent that it causes a crack deep in their hearts!

Go within yourselves – dig out every trace of guilt that’s been ailing your beautiful heart and turn it into a dove – with a little apology and lots of love.

[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] Grimm’s Fairy tales// The Three Snake-Leaves//

As I was browsing through my bookshelf, looking for something – ANYTHING – that would give me an idea for this month’s reading theme, my hands fell on the loveliest book ever – my collection of Grimm’s Fairy tales. 

The last time I read it was back in 2017! IT’S BEEN WAYY TOOO LONG and NOW I THINK IT’S TIME to bring back the REAL stuff, the dark clouds, the wicked hearts, and the gory details. 

Note: Stop eating. It’s going to get nasty here.

Oh, to be young and in love. And then die and take your lover with you. 

And I am not talking about the famous star crossed lovers. No, we are here to witness the wickedness of another fair maidenthe King’s daughterone who, above all else, wanted to live and die together with her lover.  Sounds romantic, doesn’t it?

She had taken a vow to only marry someone who would be willing to be buried alive with her should she die first. 

Wow! Talk about hopeful beginnings, huh? 🤣

Well, that’s what she wanted – absurd as it was – and what’s more? There was a man crazy in love enough to promise her that! He didn’t know what he was taking on. Perhaps he just thought that this was ther way of being hella romantic?

But he was wrong. She was serious. Deadly serious. Literally. Because the breath of life did leave her bodysoon after their marriage  – and he was then asked to be buried with her – to be locked up in a vault with a little bread and wine so that once it was over, he could lay himself beside his beloved’s body and say goodbye to the world as he knew it.

By this time, I was already way too creeped out. I mean the fact that he took food and water wine with him inside the vault, while the rotting body of his wife lay inches away from him made me gag! Did he expect to EAT stuff in the presence of a dead body?

But then, I suppose hunger makes you do lots of crazy things. Perhaps he would have started nibbling on her body too? Like those ugly maggots making their way out of eye sockets and mouth? 

Yeah, it’s gross. But hey, why should I be the only to get creeped out? If I am going down, I am taking everybody with me.

But he found a way out – both for himself AND his dead wife – The Magic of Three Snake Leavescontaining healing properties strong enough to even bring the dead back to life. 

I was in awe of the way the whole story was structured. Can you imagine something so creepy, so complete, so magical, and full of so much wisdom compressed in only one and a half pages? I was in love now. Impressed with The Brothers Grimm and their genius.

As the story progressed however, the kind and loving youth found himself at the end of the oceanbetrayed by his wife, who was no longer the same. Bringing people back from dead has it’s side effects, after all. Haven’t you read The Tales of Beedle The Bard? 

In the end, although his wife and her accomplice were punished for their wickedness against the man by the King, I wasn’t satisfied. Was she the real villain here? Was it really HER fault that she was brought back to life with a part of her soul probably forgotten?

What do you think?
Was her husband’s decision to bring her back wrong?
Didn’t he do it just to save himself? Of course any one of us would have chosen the same if presented with such a choice but even so. Was it all HER fault?
Who is the wicked one here?

Perhaps the snakes.

I told you about the three snake leaves, didn’t I? Well, when the man was alone with his dead wife in the vault, a snake crept in and made his way towards the body. The husband got angry and cut it into three pieces. Later another one came, and seeing that it’s companion was lying there all chop-sueyed- went away and came back with those three magical leaves which made the snake whole again, the same ones that the man later used to bring his wife back to life. 

I wonder now what had happened to that other snake. Perhaps he was the wicked one, giving the man glittering but false hope.

sigh

This is how reading these stories make me feel. ALWAYS. I am left with a dozen questions the answers to which come very slowly, if they ever come at all.

It’s an amazing experience, nonetheless. SUCH IMAGINATION! SUCH CREATIVITY!

But HEY! now I have YOU guys to discuss with. So, what do you think? 

[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] Romeo and Juliet – Not REALLY in Love? //A RANT + Discussion//

It seems to me that the most common notion around Romeo and Juliet is that they were not REALLY in love; that it was just a result of their raging hormonesa pure infatuation.

I have to ask, what love is NOT based on a mutual desire to be with each other? IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE?! It seems to me that this is said purely for argument’s sake. ”They were NOT in love” makes you sound a bit cooler maybe? MORE ADULT? More in control of what you call ”foolish urges”?

Love is subjective – it can mean different things to different people. And you need to take into account the setting, the nature of the medium through which Romeo and Juliet’s love is portrayed and ,of course, their age. Don’t tell me that you never knew any couple in your teenage years whose romance – although started as soppy and rather cringey – later blossomed into a complete and mature love?

Passion is the same at any age. And if the argument is based on the fact that they seemingly fell in love at first sight, well DID YOU REALLY EXPECT SHAKESPEARE TO WASTE SCENES UPON SCENES ON COURTING? Would that have satisfied you? And more importantly, would that have made for an interesting read, do you think? A play is a play for a reason – it skips over the parts that would normally happen in a novel, for a very obvious reason – NOBODY wants to watch those normal and rather boring tidbits happening on a stage. WE JUST WANT THE GOOD PARTS. And that’s precisely why most of Shakespeare’s couples seem to fall in love so soon – sometimes within a matter of hours. THAT DOES NOT MAKE THEIR LOVE ANY LESS REAL.

Another point that ”mature” readers seem to make is that most of the decisions that Romeo and Juliet make throughout the play are childish. WELL, OF COURSE THEY ARE CHILDISH! Juliet is 13 for God’s sake. And Romeo is still just a teenager as well – DO YOU EXPECT THEM TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT EVERY SINGLE PRO AND CON OF EVERY SINGLE DECISION? I don’t.

And anyway, it’s not a childish play. It’s a play ABOUT childishness. It’s a play about a pure notion that a passionate love can surpass anything – even hatred. And it DOES. The families are left wrecked with guilt in the end. Tell me, wasn’t their hatred a bit childish as well? Didn’t they take it too far, way too far?! There was absolutely NO NEED – NO NEED whatsoever – for the family feud to continue. And yet it did. Their hate stemmed from reasons lost to time. WASN’T THAT CHILDISH AS WELL?

Romeo and Juliet’s love was pure, passionate, and naive – and it could have been SO MUCH MORE. That’s what makes their story even more tragic – two lovers with a rather happy life ahead of them doomed to die. WHY? Because their families couldn’t put aside their stupid hatred.

In the end, if anyone was REALLY childish – it was R+J’s parents because THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ADULTS! Their children’s actions are justifiable but their own? NOT A CHANCE.

For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo.


ANDDD…RANT OVER!
*Phew*
I am sorry I just HAD to say it! So many adult fans out there who think they are somehow above the beautiful, if a bit naive, love story that Romeo and Juliet shared!

What about you though?
Do you think theirs wasn’t a real love?
What’s your stance?

LET’S TALKKK!!!


[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] How-To: Criticize Your Lover Poetically// Shakespeare’s Guide to Tough-Love//

[Note: This guide is only meant for skilled writers. If you are a commoner looking to woo your girl, I’d suggest you check out Mr. Collins’ guide instead.]

Shakespeare’s Sonnet 130 holds a special place in my heart. Mainly because it was my life’s first one. And it wasn’t even by choice. You see I was sitting in the library – avoiding my Political Science lecture (I hated that teacher ugh) – when I decided to bide my time going through the books available there. While mindlessly searching for something I didn’t even want, I came across this cute, little hardcover titled – ”Shakespeare’s Sonnets” I immediately checked it out. And let me tell you IT HAD SOME OF THE MOST GRAPHIC IMAGES I HAD EVER LAID EYES ON! xD

Well, needless to say, I spent the whole period – 40 minutes- reading and re-reading random sonnets. And Sonnet 130 was the one that stood out to me the most.

But it wasn’t until I came across it again the other day that I realized Shakespeare was actually trying to teach us something through it’s medium and I had been blind to it this whole time: *gasps*

THE ART OF TOUGH-LOVE 🖤

This realization was immediately followed by an overwhelming urge to share it with everyone else, so that, FINALLY Shakespeare can rest in peace, knowing that we have grasped the hidden meaning now.

So, without further ado, let’s begin.

Prepare a List

Love is blind – until one day isn’t. There will come a time in your life when the magic will wear off and your girl’s inner Janice will start to show – with her weird hair and annoying laugh.


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You may choose to let those rather unbearable quirks slide at first but after a while, they may become too much to ignore. They almost always do.

In such cases as these, the very first thing you gotta do is MAKE A LIST OF EVERYTHING YOU FIND ANNOYING ABOUT YOUR PARTNER and make it as extensive as you can.

🌸 Dull Eyes? Check.
🌸Reeking Breath? Check.
🌸Pale cheeks? Check.
🌸 Wiry Hair? Check.
🌸 An unappealing Complexion? Check.

Comparisons are CRUCIAL.

As you must know already, the perfect woman must be the very embodiment of mother nature:

Her eyes as bright as the sun,
Her breasts plump and her complexion fair,
Her hair flowing, and her aroma rare.

Ever Man’s Fantasy

She must be delicate like a flower – rosy cheeks and soft to touch. Her voice should have the tenor of a goddess speaking from the heaven itself. 

All of these things should a woman possess and since YOUR lover doesn’t even come CLOSE to these standards, you are going to have to make some comparisons to hint it, in a not so subtle way.


Compose a Love-Poem

Now that you have gathered the basic material, you may find that it seems rather harsh, doesn’t it?

Well, our Shakesy has the perfect solution for your dilemma. You see, if you wanna soften the blow on your rather plain lover, you gotta compile your complaints and comparisons into a well structured love poemaka a sonnet.

Shakespeare was well practiced in the art of writing these sneaky little poemswritten to woo them girls apparently! And so, you MUST take some inspiration from his previous works to write the perfect sonnet. Also pay attention to how he cloaks his criticism with two rather conveniently placed sentences of flattery in the very end of his sonnets.

Now if you do the right amount of research and practice, your complaints should take the following form:

My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red, than her lips red:
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound:
I grant I never saw a goddess go,
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
   And yet by heaven, I think my love as rare,
   As any she belied with false compare.

Sonnet 130

Brilliant, isn’t it?

Now all that’s left for you to do is to –

Show it to your Lover.

And then you wait.

Wait for her as she opens the envelope in pure excitement.
Wait for her as her gaze falls on the very first line of the poem.
Wait for her as her eyebrows get furrowed and her eyes turn misty.
Wait for her as her sadness turns into pure rage.
Wait for her as her blood starts to boil and her teeth start to tatter.
Wait for her as she looks at you – not with the emotion you had expected (what DID you expect anyway?) but with rage.

AAANNDDD…

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Yep, there it is. YOUR ULTIMATE REWARD FOR YOUR SEEMINGLY “tough love”

Lesson?

Steer clear of the Shakesy guy, people. He’ll drown your love-boat more ruthlessly than the fucking iceberg that drowned Titanic. *shrugs*

I TOLD YOU! This was his main intention behind writing this sonnet! We were just too dumb to see it. MAN! I love him and his abilities to surprise us DECADES after his death.

But tell me, did you like his tips?
Would you like to refine it by adding some of your own? This is your chance. Share some of your ”tough-love” tips + experiences in the comments so that the rest of can benefit from them as well! 😉

Until Next time,

[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] The Inventor of Words, Writer of Tragedies, Master of Flattery – SHAKESPEARE

The man who gave us –

Hopeless lovers,
Stubborn shrews,
Witless men, and
Witches too.

YES! It’s BARD MONTH over here at THE WITHERING and you are all invited to celebrate it with me.

Shakespeare and I go way back because my love for him sprouted from a deep-rooted hatred!

I wasn’t all that little when my mum went to Penguin’s and got me a copy of King Lear – it was white, it was little, IT WAS DOWNRIGHT BORING. It seemed boring at least. I have been judging books by their cover since 2005 so, of course, I treated this little copy like a bad smell – avoiding it at all costs.


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I was already reading classics and that’s where my mother got the inspiration to introduce me to the sneaky Bard. But this time she had miscalculated. I hadn’t read a single play up until that point and I was very prejudiced about them.

For some reason, I had developed a strong belief that reading a play wouldn’t get me the kind of satisfaction that comes from reading a novel. BUT BOY WAS I ABOUT TO BE PROVED WRONG!

Mumma started getting strict with me about reading King Lear, and I don’t respond that well to pressure. So I defied, WITH ALL OF MY MIGHT. In response, she took away EVERY SINGLE OF MY BOOKS – except, of course, that rather ugly copy of King Lear.

You see, apart from playing out with friends in the evening and arguing with my brother all day long, I didn’t have much else to do. Summer holidays had already started so no school either.

In short, I was stuck – between reading something I despised or increasing argument time with my brother.

Naturally, I chose the former. The first few pages were – TORTURE, for want of a better word. I hated it – the old man and his three daughters. I HATED THEM. I HATED THEIR GUTS, I HATED EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING in that book. But that was about to change. As the play progressed, I found myself furrowing my eyebrows less and less.

How desperately had King Liar tried to be a FAMILY MAN and how pathetically had he failed!

It was a journey of mixed emotions – frustration prevailed, but so did anger (for his daughters), anticipation, hopelessness, and an unexpected burst of sadness when, in the end, King Lear dies of a broken heart.

Over the years, although I forgot the story a few scenes were still very clear in my memory like when Lear – stricken with the realization that none of his daughters want him – runs out of their house, wanders in the snowstorm – cold and all alone! I don’t know why but that scene – the way I pictured it back then – is still stuck in my mind and sends chills up my spine whenever I think of it.

My adoration for Shakespeare crept up on me stealthily and left me craving for more. I was genuinely surprised by how my views about his writing had changed – from aversion to love – all in a matter of a few pages.

I went on to read his sonnets, Taming of the Shrew, Julius Caesar, and THEN Romeo and Juliet. I was introduced to the rest when I started my Honors three years ago and honestly? It isn’t as much fun reading Shakespeare critically as it was back in school – because back then my ideas, my imagination wasn’t muddied by all those opinionated writers, analyzing his works to their hearts content.

BUT HEYYY! Hang on there, Rain! You are going to do the same as well so away with your bashing. *grins* Yep. That’s true! I will twist and turn his works and present them in a way that’s enjoyable to everyone – literary and non-literary folks alike. Sound good? Okay then.

Here’s to an awesome Bard Month and to start it off on a more collective note, why don’t you guys share your experiences with Shakespeare in the comments?
Your first sonnet? First play? Your favorite one?
I WANNA KNOW EVERYTHING! So, let’s chat!






[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] How-To: Propose To A Perfectly Tolerable Girl// A Step-by-Step Guide By Mr. Darcy a.k.a THE PEMBERLEY MAN//

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife”

HOW VERY TRUE!

Even the ones that don’t think they want one, SECRETLY DOOOO!!!!! Everyone wants a wife. And those who GENUINELY DON’T change their perception once they get one!

It’s just the truth of life. AND WE MUST ACCEPT IT. ALL OF US. Yes, even Mr. Darcy.

I am pretty sure that when he entered the Longbourn ball that fateful evening, he must be so sure that he won’t like anyone in this god-forsaken country. BOY, WAS HE IN FOR A WORLD OF SURPRISE!

Our dear Lizzie bewitched his mind the very moment he brushed her off as ”not pretty enough to tempt me.” From there, it was all rolling and falling in love for our dear Pemberley Man. But he approached his adoration for the second eldest Bennet sister with utmost precision and skill!

READ ON TO FIND OUT HOW!

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🌸 Condition Her Mind Beforehand

I see.
I like.
I propose.

WHOA!
Hold your horses there, Mr. Collins’ descendant! This is not one of your DEPRESSED & DEPRIVED cases.

It’s about the girl with fine eyes, tolerable teeth, and a conceited sense of freedom. She likes long walks, witty talks, and MOST OF ALL – SHE LIKES TO JUDGE PEOPLE! So you can’t just barge in there with a proposal, you’ll make a fool of yourself.

You need to condition her mind first –  acclimatize it in such a way that she starts seeing you as her future husband. This is easy and can be achieved in a few simple steps:

🎄The first time you guys meet, look at her with flared nostrils and uninterested eyes. You must look a bit constipated too as if the very sight of her face is puke-inducing.

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This one’s NOT MINE! 🙂 ❤

🎄Refuse to dance with her when your friend is suggesting her as your dance partner, while she is CLEARLY in the earshot of your conversation. THAT OUGHTTA GET HER MIND RUNNING! 

🎄Convince the man who is in love with her sister to go away and leave her heartbroken. TOUGH LOVE, DUDE! It’s a THING! LOOK IT UP. 

laurels+flowers_0007_Vector Smart Object🌸 Stares and Dances

It’s all about the eyes, man. Girls LOVE it when you compliment their eyes.

But YOU aren’t some commoner. YOU ARE THE PEMBERLEY MAN. And you have to step up your game.

🎄This can be achieved by staring at her at THE MOST inconvenient times possible.  Preferably when that gold-digger Caroline Bingley is nearby. [ Really though, YOU OUGHT TO ASK THAT INSUFFERABLE WOMAN TO LEAVE YOU THE FUCK ALONE!]

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🎄After a few inconvenient stare-offs in public, you have to take it to yet another level again and ask her for a dance at the Netherfield Ball. 

Now, I know it’s beneath your status to dance with only a tolerable-looking girl but hey, do you want to marry her or not? Well, then. Ask her for a dance and be silent.

BE SILENT AS A GRAVE.
UNLESS she herself breaks the ice. THEN you can go ahead and add one or two witty remarks.
BUT DON’T OVERDO IT. BECOME SILENT AGAIN

laurels+flowers_0007_Vector Smart Object🌸 Surprise, Surprise!

By now you must have managed to imprint her mind with your image (whether an agreeable one or not THAT we will find out later! ) Youwith your uncomfortable encounters and unwilling complimentshave successfully conditioned her mind and she is now ready to be proposed to.

Now as you may already know, a proposal is a VERY big step (DUH!) and must be planned out in detail. You have to pick the right spot and you must make sure that she is in a good mood before you do it. 

So, NATURALLY you gotta go to her RIGHT AFTER SHE FINDS OUT THAT YOU RUINED HER SISTER’S HAPPINESS (that was a classy move, I must say!) and blurt out your confession in the following manner:

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🎄Say this, ”In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

🎄Her reaction to such a display of affection will surely be of shock and a deep blush. Encouraged by this healthy display of OBVIOUS FEMININE ENCOURAGEMENT, you must go on and on and on about how her situation in life is CLEARLY beneath you, about how you are risking a complete social abandonment by making you his wife. 

🎄Don’t forget to add the fact that you think her younger sisters are ABSOLUTELY FUCKING RIDICULOUS and that her mother is THE MOST INSUFFERABLE OF THEM ALL! Tell her that even her father is a bit thoughtless from time to time.

🎄Lastly, let her know that she must ”END YOUR AGONY” by accepting your offer of marriage. 

AS THEY SAY, HONESTY —–and whatever! 

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🌸RESULT TIME!

When she refuses, WHICH SHE WILL, rethink your life choices, alright?

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I hope that all of you have learnt something from Mr. Darcy’s proposal today. 
NEVER PROPOSE WHEN YOUR GIRL HAS A HEADACHE, YOU GUYS! *eye-rolling intensifies*

[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] How-To: Be an Accomplished Woman// A Step-by-Step Guide by Caroline Bingley//

Did you know that there are less than a dozen women out there that can TRULY be called accomplished?

Miss Caroline Bingley of Netherfield gravely remarks, in an interview with The Derbyshire News, on this declining number of the truly genius among her own sex.

”It’s most distressing. Just another I was telling Mr. Darcy (you know THE OWNER OF Pemberley! An EXCELLENT MAN) that something NEEDS to be done urgently if we are to fix this problem. But the fault lies with the population of Longbourn, to be honest. ESPECIALLY THE BENNET LADIES. Their distaste in fashion and yet the conceited self importance they hold themselves in is the main issue here.’

And in addition to such remarkable comments on the rapidly decreasing genius of women, Miss Bingley has also agreed to share with us some pointers to help the ordinary women be THE MOST ACCOMPLISHED VERSION OF HERSELF!

Let’s have a look, shall we?

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SNOBBERY

The first step, it seems, to being a most accomplished woman is possessing the ability to despise everything and everyone you ever come in contact with. Unless of course, it’s Mr. Darcy of Pemberley. THEN you may go ahead and praise the fuck out of everything the gentleman does.

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But for every other human being, you must be the epitome of unpleasantness.

You MUST look hideously displeased with everything around you. You see the REALLY accomplished women NEVER show their pleasant sides to ANYONE. They go through the world discontentedly and are never happy with meeting new people, certainly not the ones who can pose a threat to their plan of bagging the…the…yeah the Pemberley guy.

So ladies, if you want to be known as an accomplished woman, you better be prepared for a LOTTTT of frown lines, you understand?

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”SOMETHING IN HER AIR”

(whatever THAT means!)

This is something Caroline Bingley ABSOLUTELY INSISTS UPON. But she is a bit vague about what kind of ”air” an accomplished woman is supposed to have and that has got me wondering. Well, let’s hear it from Miss. Bingley, shall we?

Got a clearer idea now?

What Miss Uptighty-pants is trying to tell us here is that an ACCOMPLISHED woman must make herself memorable to everyone and this she can easily achieve by being a rigid, stinkin’ mess.

So get rid of those perfumes girls because it’s time to let your inner unpleasantness shine through. 😉

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HOME-WRECKER

Listen to me VERY carefully now:

A TRULY ACCOMPLISHED WOMAN never let’s such things as her brother’s happiness get in the way of her own convenience. Whenever she sees a threat to her own hopes and dreams, she starts thinking ways to eliminate it.

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And we see this method in effect when realizing that her brother is a great deal too attached to the eldest Miss Bennet and getting a glimpse of her potential future – FULL OF Mrs. bennet’s frequent visits at Netherfield – she persuades Mr. Bingley to move and makes him believe that it’s for his own good.

So you see the level of manipulation going on here? And if you want to be at Caroline’s level, you’ve got to learn this art as well.

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THE GOSSIP-GIRL

Apart from having a thorough knowledge of singing, drawing, dancing, and modern languages, a well-accomplished woman must also be well adept in the art of gossiping.

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Because when tragedy strikes and you are made aware of the fact that your ALMOST future-husband is falling for someone else, it’s the sly remarks about those ‘fine eyes” that will make the man uncomfortable enough to drop the topic altogether.

You and (preferably) your older sister MUST belittle everyone around you. THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET NOTICED BY THE PEMBERLEY MAN!

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As you can see, Miss. Caroline Bingley clearly knows what she’s about.
And she isn’t afraid to admit it.
You too can achieve that level of conceit!

All you have to do is follow the above-mentioned steps and you’ll be good to go!

(PS: I couldn’t find any suitable gifs so I made these as well. I hope you liked them.<3 )

[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] How-To: Unburden Your House// Mrs. Bennet’s Guide to Marrying off 3/5 of Your Daughters in Less Than a Year//

”She was a woman of mean understanding, little information, and uncertain temper. When she was discontented she fancied herself nervous. The business of her life was to get her daughters married; its solace was visiting and news.

This is the very first account that we get of Mrs. Bennet’s character. She is a typical mother of little or no knowledge of important affairs with only her beauty to recommend her. Not that that’s a little achievement!

Mr. Bennet himself was swept off his feet by her ”fair share of beauty”, enough for him to make her an offer of marriage.

giphy-11So, now you see Mrs. Bennet is very adept in the arts of matchmaking, of inducing feelings of love in the hearts of another – both for herself and for her daughters. So skilled is she that she is able to marry off 3 out of 5 of her daughters in less than a year! AND ONE OF THEM AT FIFTEEN TOO!

I M A G I N E   T H A T!

So, you see there is NO ONE BETTER to give you pointers on how to find eligible partners for your daughters than our very own excitable Mrs. Bennet.

So, ladies, take notes because it’s about to get pretty educational here!

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THEM FLUTTERING NERVES!

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When your husband refuses to visit a single man of a large fortune, who is CLEARLY in want of a wife by the way, for the sake of your daughters, WHAT DO YOU DO?

🌸You quietly accept defeat.
🌸You start to devise other ways to get acquainted with the man.
🌸You try to convince your husband in a polite, orderly fashion.

Did you choose any of the above-stated options?

If yes then your daughters will forever remain alone. Mrs. Bennet actually has another tactic that works like a charm EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

You see, you have got to behave erraticallyshouting all day, blaming your poor nerves, taunting your husband indirectly – SOO MUCH THAT HE HAS NO OTHER OPTION BUT TO YIELD TO YOUR WISHES. Got it? Now practice timeee!!! 😉

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BOAST YOUR HEART OUT!

When you have a most beautiful daughterso pretty that men fall head over heels in love with her wherever she goeswhy the FUCK would you keep her hidden? 

You have been given a wonderful opportunity to make everyone feel ashamed of themselves. WHY NOT TAKE IT?

WHY TALK SENSIBLY WHEN YOU CAN BEHAVE IRRATIONALLY INSTEAD?

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So when your daughter’s future love interest praises one of her friends, you do not let the opportunity pass by. 
Make it plain as the nose on Mr. Bingley’s face that THERE IS NO ONE BETTER OR MORE HANDSOME IN THE WHOLE OF ENGLAND THAN YOUR DEAR, SWEET Jane, ALRIGHTTT????!!!

laurels+flowers_0007_Vector Smart ObjectPLAY THE WITCH🔮

Apart from loving your children partially, manipulating them, and spoiling them, a good mother must also possess the art of witchcraft like the ability to control the weather.

And Mrs. Bennet, being the perfect mother that she is, is 13764850985% skilled in this department. And a good thing too because when her dear Jane received an invitation from Miss Bingley to dine at Netherfield, her brain started churning out terabytes per second, thinking of ways to make Jane’s visit to her future husband’s house as long as possible.

AND THIS IS WHERE HER WITCHY SKILLS CAME IN HANDY!

She sent her daughter on a horseback instead of a carriage because SHE WAS SUREE that it would rain later and then Jane would HAVE to stay there. AND SHE WAS RIGHT!

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But HOW WAS SHE SO SURE ABOUT HER PLAN?
*whispers* Because she is secretly a very powerful witch! 

laurels+flowers_0007_Vector Smart ObjectSPOIL ‘EM YOUNG

You are a (proud?) mother of five daughters. All day, every day only a single thought plagues your mind –

MARRIAGE. MARRIAGE. MARRIIAAGGEEEE!!!!

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And since you cannot POSSIBLY be as attentive to ALL of their prospects, sometimes you just gotta let them choose for themselves. Raise your daughters, PREFERABLY THE YOUNGEST ONE, as headstrong and foolish enough so that ALL THEY CAN THINK ABOUT IS MEN.

With this kind of golden thinking, you can be sure of a *fairly* well-settled, married daughter at the ridiculously young age of fifteen with little effort from your side.

SMOOTH, RIGHT???!

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DON’T GIVE THE SECOND ONE ANY THOUGHT!

Mrs. Bennet is a very intuitive woman.
AND VERY PROUD ONE.

When she saw that her second (and least favorite) daughter, Elizabeth, didn’t want her expert advice on ANYTHING let alone on marital affairs, she had the good sense to withdraw her services and leave Lizzie to her own devices.

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She is too proud to beg for her to consider her opinions. And rightly so because when Lizzie saw that she wasn’t going to get any help from her family, she was forced to be independent in her affairs and THAT LED TO HER BAGGING THE RICHEST MAN IN THE WHOLE OF DERBYSHIRE!!!

*SCREEEAAAMMSSSS*

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Isn’t she THE CLEVEREST WOMAN TO EVER WALK THE FICTIONAL EARTH??!!!!! 

Sooo…do you agree with Mrs. Bennet’s advice, then? I think she is pretty good at this matchmaking stuff (not better than Emma though *wink-wink*) RIGHTTT?!!!

And WHAT DID YOU THINK OF ALLL THE GIFS?!?!!
I MADE THEM!

I MADE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEMM!!! AREN’T THEY SOOO VERRYYY VERYY PRETTYY!!??? *heart eyes* *dies*