A guilty conscience.
Where do you go to escape from yourself, from your own mind?
No matter how far you run you can never leave that small voice in your heart behind – the guiding angel that’s present in all of us – showing us the most truthful mirror ever – that shows us just as we really are.
All of us are hiding something – some dark truth, some humiliation, some desperation. And the tailor’s apprentice – the main character of our story – was too. Falling on hard times, he grew so desperate for money that he reported to killing someone! The Jew he decided not to believe when he said he only has eight farthings – before leaving the world – uttered the following words:
“The Bright Sun Will Bring It To Light”
Although the apprentice didn’t pay much attention to his words then – carried them in his heart as he moved forward in life, married, and had children.
But the guilt was festering in his heart – something dark and malignant – at a rapid rate. He couldn’t see it yet but there was not a single day when his mind didn’t decide to torment him with the memory of his horrible crime. The flashes of those images – killing a man, dragging him to hide behind a tree, going on as if nothing happened – must have played horrible tricks on his mind.
On one particular morning, as he was waiting by the window for his wife to bring him coffee, he saw sunlight dancing in the liquid, jogging up memories of the event he never really forgot and before he knew it, he uttered the same words as Jew did when he died, in front of his wife.
A woman as she was – a woman in the grip of curiosity – she MADE HIM CONFESS THE SECRET BEHIND THAT SENTENCE.
She was dumbfounded, for sure. And her need to protect her husband was great indeed, which is why she promised never to utter those words ever again. But, it seems that her need for gossip was greater. *shrugs*
First she only confided in her friend with this larger than life, closer to death secret. But if Pretty Little Liars has taught us anything, it’s that –
”Two can keep a secret IF one of them is dead.”
-which, alas, wasn’t the case here. And very soon, the apprentice’s dirty laundry was out in the open for the whole town to see and condemn him for. It’s amazing, isn’t it? How subtle the threads were that lead to his downfall!
Does time heal all wounds?
Yes. It does. But it doesn’t hide the one who afflicted those wounds. The Jew was the victim here and he got justice – the law of nature saw to that. And the apprentice – guilt ridden as he was – was made to pay his dues. Because his true nature demanded it.
I have found from experience that the human soul isn’t made to carry as big a burden as comes with guilt. No matter how big or small, we always have that urge to atone. To make peace with whoever we wronged.
I was a rebellious teenager. Doing things just because my parents didn’t like them gave me joy. Was it joy?
(NOPEEEEEE) Or just an effort to look cool? ( 100000%) I don’t know. But yes, I frequently disobeyed my mum and dad. My teachers. Everyone who dared tell me the distinction between right and wrong.
And one day I suffered because of it. My parents were called. I had to sit at home for a week – listening to them bash me, for valid reason, of course. But I didn’t care.I spoke back. Hurled at them the meanest words you could possibly imagine. They were hurt. Especially my father.
A day passed. Two did. A week. But no one spoke to me. I felt deaf. Irritated. Angry. At myself. At everyone.
Finally, I came to the realisation that it was the guilt of what I had said – of the fact that I had hurt them with my words – that wasn’t letting me rest. And it wasn’t until I apologised and they forgave that my heart found peace.
Such a little incident, isn’t it?
And yet, guilt overpowered me just as it overpowered the apprentice, even though the gravity of the situation was decidedly different in both these cases.
No doubt he must have felt light as a feather after confessing to his wife. In those precious few moments he must have felt the kind of freedom he couldn’t for many, many years! And hidden even in his condemnation was his joy – that he didn’t have to live a lie any longer; that the weight of the secret, of the hurt he inflicted was off his chest now.
There is satisfaction in that.
In the end, no matter how deep you choose to bury your mistakes, no matter how many blind eyes you turn, the sun’s bright rays of truth always bring it to light.
So, remember dear readers – read your books; eat your veggies; and confess your wrongdoings – no matter how small. And anyway, there is no bigger misdeed than hurting someone to an extent that it causes a crack deep in their hearts!
Go within yourselves – dig out every trace of guilt that’s been ailing your beautiful heart and turn it into a dove – with a little apology and lots of love.