It shatters you from places that you didn’t even know existed in you. It overwhelms you. It twists your idea of what’s normal – because , suddenly, nothing is going to be the same anymore. You won’t get those texts that used to place a smile on your face every morning; you won’t go to those places where you used to sit down for hours and just….be yourselves together. The midnight calls, the roses, the makeups after little arguments – NOTHING.
Your ears will ring with a strange silence every minute of every hour of every day while the rest of the world around you goes on. Normally.
A breakup does all those things to you.
But a bad one does them more awfully, somehow.
My dear reader friends who are a frequent at my blog – I feel like, based on the content I read and write about, you know how someone like me – so obviously passionate and excited about everything – would have reacted to something so negative, so hurtful. So….so…disruptive.
Yes. I freaked the fuck out. Not because someone who had been in my life for so long a time was about to leave – juust like that. But because he was going to do so by igniting feelings that I have had the fortune of not being that familiar with.
and anger at my own lack of judgement.
I feel like I used to live in my own little world – imagining things BETTER than they actually were. Forgiving when strict action was needed, and NOT walking out when I had the chance to do that with a less messy aftermath.
Well. Now that it’s been a few months since that, things are starting to fall into place. A little bit at least.
I am back to doing things I love and writing is one of them. Would you believe me if I told you that I haven’t written a single word, ever since that last post I made? I felt like that flow of creativity and inspiration withered away as the stream of happiness stopped in it’s tracks and moved away from my heart.
I…..don’t know what else to say. I just had to pour it all out. Document the moment I decided to release every single fragment of negativity from within me and just…let it all go.
So…now you know why I have been so inactive lately. Both here AND everywhere else. Just getting back to normal, with high hopes of the new normal to be much more fun and positive AND loyal than the previous one.
Planning on dropping by your feed sooner than you’d expect.
Lots of love.
NOTE: I…umm…I seem to have gotten lots of comments while I was away and some of them are from last year. SO…don’t be surprised if you get replies from me on those. It’ll be super awkward to reply to them now but I’ll feel worse if I DON’T so…bear with me, please! ❤