[A WRITER’S LIFE] Dealing with Unjust + Hateful Criticism //A Personal Experience//

I didn’t understand criticism – REAL criticism – until I faced it.
Experienced it.
Until it shattered me from the inside.
It became the biter pill I could neither swallow nor throw up.
It got stuck in the middle of my throat – like a hundred tears threatening to fall if I removed that fake smile from my face.

But I couldn’t maintain my composure for much longer. The smile did fade away. The tears did fall. I told myself- “It’s the internet after all.” – but for some reason, it wasn’t working. Because in some part of me, I knew that there were actual people behind those made up usernames, people for whom what I write was the most disgusting and untrue thing they had ever read.

People for whom my style of writing came across as desperate and needy.

People for whom my ideas were worth nothing, my words were worth nothing, my effort was worth nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Upto that point, I had only known love from my readers. And that sudden burst of hateful criticism was becoming a bit too much to bear. I ended up crying my eyes out, not going to lie. Because I was still far from reaching that point of saying a bold “FUCK YOU” to the people who didn’t like what I was writing. Sure, I wrote it – half-hearted – as a response – but deep inside, my insides were in a knot and no amount of consolation was proving enough.

Why? Why did it feel like that? Why did I feel their hate so deeply? Had I not acquired any self-worth at all? 

The thing is, it wasn’t a question of self-worth. It was the question of self-expression. I have always poured my heart out in everything I write, in every word I type with my little fingers. And for people to discredit it was like discrediting my life – the experiences I have had – the journey that shaped me into who I am. THAT was the hard part. That was what I was having trouble accepting.

The breakdown was real. But not long. I couldn’t afford to lose what little spare hours I get during the day over crying about someone’s rather unjust words. What I COULD do, however, was put my whole self into what I was about to write next. I was afraid -afraid that my desperation as they said is very prevalent – would show. But I didn’t care. I had to write. That was the only way I could see to release the hints of anger, loathing, and irritation that had seeped into me having faced that kind of hate.

It was time to bleed.
Tell my story.
The way I wanted to.
The only way I had learned how to.
Because take that away and what do I have?
Take my authenticity away and what am I left with?
Empty letters. Hollow words. Fake experiences, just for the sake of a few people who couldn’t understand me? 

I wrote – bled on the paper, let out all of my frustration all of my anger, all of my sadness – and converted it into a flawed yet genuine piece of writing. I felt at peace. I felt the beauty of quiet satisfaction, one that I had taken for granted but never will again. I hit publish. And I knew – in my heart, I knew – that it will be loved. It will be adored. It will be understood by the people who WANT to understand. 

The rest of them? Well, it’s a wide ass world with a LOT of people living in it. How could I EVER hope to please every single one of them? How could I touch every single heart pumping in this beautiful world? 

But, if my words are able to touch at least a single one, I will consider my mission accomplished. If even a fraction of my readers are able to feel my words in the depth of their being, I will have accomplished what I set out to do – WRITE.


Well, writing this was a bit difficult but necessary. I feel like there will always be criticism surrounding anything you’ll do. The trick is to know when it’s constructive and when it’s only meant to bring you down!

And now, I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts on it.
How do you deal with criticism?
Any past experiences that you’ve had with trolls in general?! xD
Comment and we’ll chat!



44 thoughts on “[A WRITER’S LIFE] Dealing with Unjust + Hateful Criticism //A Personal Experience//

  1. I’m fortunate that I’ve not come up against any troll like behaviour on my blog and because what I Blog about are just small snippets of my life, reviews, memes and tags there’s a degree of impersonality to that because it’s not me writing because I need to write like you do. I blog for human connection. For friendship. For fun discussions. (Also for the ARCs can’t lie lol!) So the only criticisms I may get are when people disagree with my views on a particular book and those are all opinion anyway so I’m not concerned ☺️☺️💜💚

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I am glad though Emer! And I hope that you’ll always be this fortunate 😉 ❤ but you are right, writing for the sake of writing invites criticism because you want to grow – as a writer. And constructive criticism is always ALWAYS appreciated but sometimes people hate on you JUST TO HATE ON YOU, you know! xD I mean it's like – they wanna ruin someone's day – so why not yours? *shrugs* Feels as if someone is dumping ALLL of THEIR anxieties, difficulties, problems ON YOU by doing that, hoping it'll help them cope somehow. Curious, the human mind, isn't it? 😉

      AND HEYY,, SEEING YOUR COMMENTS ALWAYS – ALWAYS – BRIGHTENS MY DAY! ❤ ❤ ❤ 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I learned to toughen my shell working in advertising because everyone has something critical to say and feels that they can write better than you even though when they try – it doesn’t work out like they thought. Everyone’s a critic ( isn’t that a quote from someone somewhere?) 🤗❤️✨💗

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, you worked in advertising?! THAT IS SOO INTERESTING, Tessa! *heart eyes* I used to think it a good option for me in the beginning of my college years, you know. I don’t anymore though! xD But tell me – how is it?! *heart eyes*

      Oh yes! That’s a good one. Everyone is indeed a critic when it comes to others! *shrugs*

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s very creative but also very fast-paced and deadline driven. And deadlines are absolute. That is the toughest thing for people to get use to. People seem to think deadlines are suggestions but when you deal with newspapers, magazines, etc… once they go to publication, that’s it. And your stuff better be there or it’s not going in.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. o.O Makes sense though, that it should be deadline driven. But I see how it would have been a bad idea for me now – soo intense! 🤣🤣 I probably would have felt all burnt up and exhausted! 🤷🏻‍♀️😅

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I suppose it depends on the type of criticism and who its coming from honestly. Like with my writing I welcome and want to hear actual points even if their harsh -which I think is fair of any critique. I’ll leave off what I think of most Internet criticism 🙂 But like you said writing is personal and it doesn’t always vibe with everyone and that’s okay to.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh yes! I mean people leaving genuine and honest comments about your writing are always welcome AND appreciated. Such an honest critique helps you grow, as a writer! But those hating on you just to slight you – without having anything valuable to say and trolling and leaving hateful comments on all your post – well, that hurts in the beginning, not gonna lie! xD Because you don’t know HOW to correct what is wrong and if there is anything wrong at all?! But then, after that experience, I learnt to just – ignore such comments to be honest, Not worth wasting our time over them, yeah?! 😉 😉 ❤

      Like

    1. Hahah! Having written this after hating myself a little bit xD really helped me feel good and normal! xD Before that though! I WAS A BIG MESS OF EMOTIONS! xD Didn’t know what to do and WHY THE FUCK I WAS FEELING SO HURT?! It was JUST ONE PERSON!!! LOL! But that’s how it works I guess? You forget every positive comment in the light of a single negative one!

      Oh yes, constructive kind is always welcome. Helps you grow and refine your art. But being unnecessarily rude?! Nuh-uh. xD xD

      I am glad you liked the post, N! ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. People like the ones you had the misfortune to find on your path are – for want of a better definition – “professional haters”, individuals who enjoy inflicting pain on others just for the fun of it. Probably when they were kids they enjoyed cutting the tails off lizards, or the wings from flies… I have come to the conclusion that their lives are so miserable that they need to share that misery with the rest of the world, and they do it from behind a cowardly nickname and the safety of anonymity.
    Don’t let them get to you, don’t “feed the trolls” – as we used to say some time ago –
    Let them stew in their misery and keep enjoying what you do: you will never be without *real* people who appreciate what you do 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. OH MY GOD EXACTLYYY!!!! That person was, in fact, exactly like that. Leaving hateful comments on every single one of my posts – even when he had no idea WHAT THE FUCK HE WAS HATING MY POSTS FOR! Just random curses and all! It was a very peculiar experience, not gonna lie. probably because it was my first time dealing with such trolls! AND I AGREEE – they think they can say anything and hide behind an anonymous username. BUT what they forget is that it still only speaks about them as a person and harming THEM more than anyone else! *shrugs* As I realized this while writing the post, it calmed me considerably. 🙂 ❤

      AWWW!!!! That is soo soo sweet of you, Mads (I'm gonna call you Mads from now on 😉 ) This is the sweetest comment. THANK YOU SOO MUCH! ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re more than welcome! And while I understand your immediate emotional reaction to this person’s nastiness, it’s important to remember that a lack of reply has two functions: it deprives them of more “fuel” for their miserable “fires” and, more important, it deprives them of the satisfaction of having reached their goal. Silence and indifference are the best weapons we have against them. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. YESSS!! EXACTLY! Now that I have stopped replying to trolls, they just…they have started to disappear! 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

        Again, thank you for being sooo sweet, Mads! ❤️🦋

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Sorry that you had that experience. ❤️ Constructive criticism is great, hateful criticism is the worst. I don’t get why people feel the need to be hateful towards others. I usually don’t get hate comments but if I do I just try to ignore them, I don’t want to waste time or energy on them. 😅

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It is! THE ABSOLUTE FUCKING WORST! You cannot make sense of it because you don’t know where to start, what went wrong – was it you or them? 🤷🏻‍♀️☹️ UGH!

      Yessss!! That’s the best wayy! And I have finally learned to do that tooooo!! 🦋😇

      Thank you soo soo much for your kind comment, Anna! 🦋❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s always them! I get that not everyone can like each other (you just don’t vibe with everyone), but it’s an active decision to leave hate comments. I never understood that, if you don’t like someone just don’t follow them or interact with them? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t know that just seems more logical to me. 😅

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Completely agree with you! And the fact that someone can even MAKE such a decision, knowing fully that it’s unjust AND will ruin someone’s day, is just plain sadistic!

        EXACTLYY! I mean how hard is it to just IGNORE CONTENT THAT DOESN’T VIBE WITH YOU?! 🤣

        Liked by 1 person

  6. RAIN!! I’m so sorry this happened to you!! Hateful comments are such a pointless thing, I have no idea why people bother with that for other reason than jealousy…

    I don’t really get mean comments but best thing is to ignore them — trolls live off of attention and there’s no need to feed them ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Seriouslyyy, E! I mean if you have got some GENUINE issues with the writing, voice them as a reader. It’s always wonderful to hear feedback but pure hate? Why?!?! What’s even THE POINT?! 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ *facepalm*

      Yesss! I agreeee and although I couldn’t see that in the moment, I completely understand it now!! 😇

      Thank you soo soo much for your thoughtful comment E! 😘😘😍❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m so sorry you went through that. :(( I believe that any writing is better than no writing. It’s better to express yourself than not at all. There may be critics, but there are clearly people your writing style speaks to and that’s what matters more.

    I’ve been lucky in both my reviews and my personal writing that no one’s really stepped forward with brutal criticism. I received some feedback from a friend that bummed me out, because it meant I had to trash my latest three or four chapters, but I was already feeling something “off” with my sequence of events, so it didn’t feel personal.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yess!! I completely agree with you Kate. Writing is an art and continuous improvement is like the very definition of it! And critics help in that, no doubt! And such helpful criticism is ALWAYS welcome. The jealous kind, however – when the critic has absolutely nothing to say that could add value to your writing – ain’t nobody’s got time for that! 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣🤣

      Ohh! I completely understand! This one time I showed one of my short stories to a friend and when his reaction was – “Meh”- I was like…there is no point in living anymore! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I mean…you feel embarrassed, not because they didn’t like it but because they read the bad one, you get me? 🤣🤣

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m not even a writer, but I FELT that! It’s easy to say “just shrug it off” until you actually face it for yourself. I agree that you do need to differentiate the hateful ones with the constructive ones! It doesn’t make sense to bring yourself down from something irrational, and hateful for no reason.

    Whenever I see something negative, it still brings me down, but it’s nice thinking of the hundreds of positive comments that overtake it!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yesss!! I mean, it does bring you down – even if for a moment but it does. In the face of such hate, you forget every single lovely feedback you got and just focus on that single ugly one! 🤷🏻‍♀️ But yeah, in the end, we need to be able to differentiate between the words that are helping you grow and those that are only meant to bring you down!

      Thank you for such a lovely comment, Allison! ❤️❤️

      Like

  9. I’ve always despised unknown people voicing their hateful thoughts with no other intention but to put you down and indirectly express their jealousy. I’ve learned to offer them a poker face in return and not go beyond. After all, we all have the right to share our opinion. It just doesn’t mean that what they have to say is right or worth our time! I know that sharing the situation with other much more understanding people helps in reassuring you that you’re not at fault though. I like the idea of writing it all down too. Writing soothes the soul. Thanks for sharing this post, Rain! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. YES! I mean do it when you have an insight that’ll actually help the writer, not because you are irritated with something else in your life and you just decide to take it out on the internet with a safety blanket of an anonymous username wrapped around you! That’s…that’s really really sad! 🤷🏻‍♀️

      Oh definitely agree with you there, Lashaan! I mean when we write something so openly, we automatically invite feedback – positive AND negative. And that is ABSOLUTELY FINE! BUT when your words reek of jealousy and frustration, they are not worth anyone’s time or attention!

      Yes. Writing it all down in this post was what calmed me down and in the process, I also realised that I don’t have to take every comment I get to heart, you know. I learnt the art of offering such trolls a “poker face” as you say (God, reminded me of Lady Gaga’s song 🤣🤣)

      Loved your comment, Lashaan. You are always so very supportive and kind! 😇🦋

      Liked by 1 person

  10. love this post, Rain!! i really love how you think about criticism: not everybody will like your writing, but it’s okay as long as one person is touched by it. i’ve actually been thinking about this topic lately lmao. I was working on a WIP that I was super confident most people would love, but I ended up having to shelve it for reasons. Now I’m working on a new one, and I have so many more doubts that the story won’t work :”(( I don’t even know if I want to continue working on it, but I don’t want to stop just yet. Though I will be devastated if I spend more time on it only to give up on it lmao

    Liked by 1 person

    1. YESSS!! Getting in the mindset of writing for one rather than every single one of your readers is a very healthy habit to cultivate. It eventually pays off as you are only focusing on bettering yourself and your craft rather than worrying about pleasing everyone because THAT JUST ISN’T POSSIBLE, IS IT?! 🤷🏻‍♀️🦋

      Ohhh really?! You working on a WIP? That is soo exciting Caitlin! But heyy! Don’t shelve it just because someone said it isn’t good enough! Everything we’ve read and loved is a much later draft anyway! 😉 AND ANYWAY, I AM SUPER CONFIDENT THAT YOU ARE WRITING AN AWESOMEEE STORYYYY!! 😍😍😍❤️❤️😘😘

      Thank you soo much for your thoughtful comment, Caitlin! IT REALLY BRIGHTENED MY DAY, NOT GONNA LIE! 😍❤️❤️❤️🌻

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I completely agree that you have to know the difference between constructive criticism and criticism that is designed just to hurt you. I know that this isn’t a popular thing to talk about- because there’s an overwhelming trend to see the value in all criticism- but there’s sometimes just criticism that’s just mean, hateful, useless and untrue (and often when it’s one of those, it’s all the others as well). Please don’t take it to heart- I know it’s tough, but we all go through it and have to learn when to dismiss something.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. YOU ARE RIGHT! I have barely seen any post that calls out such trolls, you know! I mean, it’s not as if such comments are benefitting anybody, least of all the writer!

      And yess! We really need to harden ourselves in the face of such hateful criticism.

      AWW! Thank you SO much! YOU ARE THE BESTTT!! Thank you for your lovely comment! ❤️🦋

      Like

  12. Yeah, I think the thing to remember is that not every book will work for every reader. It’s hard not to take criticism personally though! Because it feels so personal! But there are definitely differences between being critical and being hateful and I can never condone the second. I’m sorry you were so hurt by this. <3<3<3

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes! Exactly. A single hateful comment can undo ALL the good feelings you got by the supporting ones. It certainly comes with practice – ignoring criticism that is not serving you in any way whatsoever!

      Thank you sooo much, Lisa! You are way too kind. Thank you for your lovely comments! THEY ALWAYS MAKE ME SMILE! 😍❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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