[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] How-To: Propose To A Perfectly Tolerable Girl// A Step-by-Step Guide By Mr. Darcy a.k.a THE PEMBERLEY MAN//

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife”

HOW VERY TRUE!

Even the ones that don’t think they want one, SECRETLY DOOOO!!!!! Everyone wants a wife. And those who GENUINELY DON’T change their perception once they get one!

It’s just the truth of life. AND WE MUST ACCEPT IT. ALL OF US. Yes, even Mr. Darcy.

I am pretty sure that when he entered the Longbourn ball that fateful evening, he must be so sure that he won’t like anyone in this god-forsaken country. BOY, WAS HE IN FOR A WORLD OF SURPRISE!

Our dear Lizzie bewitched his mind the very moment he brushed her off as ”not pretty enough to tempt me.” From there, it was all rolling and falling in love for our dear Pemberley Man. But he approached his adoration for the second eldest Bennet sister with utmost precision and skill!

READ ON TO FIND OUT HOW!

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🌸 Condition Her Mind Beforehand

I see.
I like.
I propose.

WHOA!
Hold your horses there, Mr. Collins’ descendant! This is not one of your DEPRESSED & DEPRIVED cases.

It’s about the girl with fine eyes, tolerable teeth, and a conceited sense of freedom. She likes long walks, witty talks, and MOST OF ALL – SHE LIKES TO JUDGE PEOPLE! So you can’t just barge in there with a proposal, you’ll make a fool of yourself.

You need to condition her mind first –  acclimatize it in such a way that she starts seeing you as her future husband. This is easy and can be achieved in a few simple steps:

🎄The first time you guys meet, look at her with flared nostrils and uninterested eyes. You must look a bit constipated too as if the very sight of her face is puke-inducing.

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This one’s NOT MINE! 🙂 ❤

🎄Refuse to dance with her when your friend is suggesting her as your dance partner, while she is CLEARLY in the earshot of your conversation. THAT OUGHTTA GET HER MIND RUNNING! 

🎄Convince the man who is in love with her sister to go away and leave her heartbroken. TOUGH LOVE, DUDE! It’s a THING! LOOK IT UP. 

laurels+flowers_0007_Vector Smart Object🌸 Stares and Dances

It’s all about the eyes, man. Girls LOVE it when you compliment their eyes.

But YOU aren’t some commoner. YOU ARE THE PEMBERLEY MAN. And you have to step up your game.

🎄This can be achieved by staring at her at THE MOST inconvenient times possible.  Preferably when that gold-digger Caroline Bingley is nearby. [ Really though, YOU OUGHT TO ASK THAT INSUFFERABLE WOMAN TO LEAVE YOU THE FUCK ALONE!]

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🎄After a few inconvenient stare-offs in public, you have to take it to yet another level again and ask her for a dance at the Netherfield Ball. 

Now, I know it’s beneath your status to dance with only a tolerable-looking girl but hey, do you want to marry her or not? Well, then. Ask her for a dance and be silent.

BE SILENT AS A GRAVE.
UNLESS she herself breaks the ice. THEN you can go ahead and add one or two witty remarks.
BUT DON’T OVERDO IT. BECOME SILENT AGAIN

laurels+flowers_0007_Vector Smart Object🌸 Surprise, Surprise!

By now you must have managed to imprint her mind with your image (whether an agreeable one or not THAT we will find out later! ) Youwith your uncomfortable encounters and unwilling complimentshave successfully conditioned her mind and she is now ready to be proposed to.

Now as you may already know, a proposal is a VERY big step (DUH!) and must be planned out in detail. You have to pick the right spot and you must make sure that she is in a good mood before you do it. 

So, NATURALLY you gotta go to her RIGHT AFTER SHE FINDS OUT THAT YOU RUINED HER SISTER’S HAPPINESS (that was a classy move, I must say!) and blurt out your confession in the following manner:

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🎄Say this, ”In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

🎄Her reaction to such a display of affection will surely be of shock and a deep blush. Encouraged by this healthy display of OBVIOUS FEMININE ENCOURAGEMENT, you must go on and on and on about how her situation in life is CLEARLY beneath you, about how you are risking a complete social abandonment by making you his wife. 

🎄Don’t forget to add the fact that you think her younger sisters are ABSOLUTELY FUCKING RIDICULOUS and that her mother is THE MOST INSUFFERABLE OF THEM ALL! Tell her that even her father is a bit thoughtless from time to time.

🎄Lastly, let her know that she must ”END YOUR AGONY” by accepting your offer of marriage. 

AS THEY SAY, HONESTY —–and whatever! 

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🌸RESULT TIME!

When she refuses, WHICH SHE WILL, rethink your life choices, alright?

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I hope that all of you have learnt something from Mr. Darcy’s proposal today. 
NEVER PROPOSE WHEN YOUR GIRL HAS A HEADACHE, YOU GUYS! *eye-rolling intensifies*

[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] How-To: Be an Accomplished Woman// A Step-by-Step Guide by Caroline Bingley//

Did you know that there are less than a dozen women out there that can TRULY be called accomplished?

Miss Caroline Bingley of Netherfield gravely remarks, in an interview with The Derbyshire News, on this declining number of the truly genius among her own sex.

”It’s most distressing. Just another I was telling Mr. Darcy (you know THE OWNER OF Pemberley! An EXCELLENT MAN) that something NEEDS to be done urgently if we are to fix this problem. But the fault lies with the population of Longbourn, to be honest. ESPECIALLY THE BENNET LADIES. Their distaste in fashion and yet the conceited self importance they hold themselves in is the main issue here.’

And in addition to such remarkable comments on the rapidly decreasing genius of women, Miss Bingley has also agreed to share with us some pointers to help the ordinary women be THE MOST ACCOMPLISHED VERSION OF HERSELF!

Let’s have a look, shall we?

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SNOBBERY

The first step, it seems, to being a most accomplished woman is possessing the ability to despise everything and everyone you ever come in contact with. Unless of course, it’s Mr. Darcy of Pemberley. THEN you may go ahead and praise the fuck out of everything the gentleman does.

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But for every other human being, you must be the epitome of unpleasantness.

You MUST look hideously displeased with everything around you. You see the REALLY accomplished women NEVER show their pleasant sides to ANYONE. They go through the world discontentedly and are never happy with meeting new people, certainly not the ones who can pose a threat to their plan of bagging the…the…yeah the Pemberley guy.

So ladies, if you want to be known as an accomplished woman, you better be prepared for a LOTTTT of frown lines, you understand?

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”SOMETHING IN HER AIR”

(whatever THAT means!)

This is something Caroline Bingley ABSOLUTELY INSISTS UPON. But she is a bit vague about what kind of ”air” an accomplished woman is supposed to have and that has got me wondering. Well, let’s hear it from Miss. Bingley, shall we?

Got a clearer idea now?

What Miss Uptighty-pants is trying to tell us here is that an ACCOMPLISHED woman must make herself memorable to everyone and this she can easily achieve by being a rigid, stinkin’ mess.

So get rid of those perfumes girls because it’s time to let your inner unpleasantness shine through. 😉

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HOME-WRECKER

Listen to me VERY carefully now:

A TRULY ACCOMPLISHED WOMAN never let’s such things as her brother’s happiness get in the way of her own convenience. Whenever she sees a threat to her own hopes and dreams, she starts thinking ways to eliminate it.

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And we see this method in effect when realizing that her brother is a great deal too attached to the eldest Miss Bennet and getting a glimpse of her potential future – FULL OF Mrs. bennet’s frequent visits at Netherfield – she persuades Mr. Bingley to move and makes him believe that it’s for his own good.

So you see the level of manipulation going on here? And if you want to be at Caroline’s level, you’ve got to learn this art as well.

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THE GOSSIP-GIRL

Apart from having a thorough knowledge of singing, drawing, dancing, and modern languages, a well-accomplished woman must also be well adept in the art of gossiping.

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Because when tragedy strikes and you are made aware of the fact that your ALMOST future-husband is falling for someone else, it’s the sly remarks about those ‘fine eyes” that will make the man uncomfortable enough to drop the topic altogether.

You and (preferably) your older sister MUST belittle everyone around you. THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET NOTICED BY THE PEMBERLEY MAN!

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As you can see, Miss. Caroline Bingley clearly knows what she’s about.
And she isn’t afraid to admit it.
You too can achieve that level of conceit!

All you have to do is follow the above-mentioned steps and you’ll be good to go!

(PS: I couldn’t find any suitable gifs so I made these as well. I hope you liked them.<3 )

[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] Ballrooms, Red Coats and £10,000 A YEAR//Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen//

”It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”

And just like that, I am back home again.

Some of you already know that I started my Classics journey with Pride and Prejudice. Mumma gave me an abridged version of it – full of images of Darcy and Elizabeth dancing, Mrs. Bennet talking outlandishly, Darcy giving Lizzie the letter – and it sparked a desire in me, a desire to know more, a desire to know AS MUCH THERE WAS TO KNOW ABOUT THESE CHARACTERS, ABOUT THIS AUTHOR!

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This little version of Pride and Prejudice became my best friend. I would take it to school, show it off to my friends (who, by the way, were sick of me going on and on about it),  daydream about it!  I was in love with all of these lovely characters and their lovely stories.

Then my aunt, upon seeing how madly in love with it I was, gave me her mother’s copy of the same. It was yellowed, frayed, the pages were flying every which way and still, it was, to me, the MOST GORGEOUS THING I HAD EVER HELD! ️

It was a memory within memory and I loved that thought.

Many times I was tempted to get it bound and all fixed up but then it’d have lost all the rawness, all the beauty of it! I mean what difference would then have been between a brand new copy and this one? I wanted it to remain JUST THE SAME, no alterations needed. And I have kept it intact, every single page intact. And I am SOOO proud of it!

When I first got it, I couldn’t have been more than 11 years old and my little mind couldn’t really make much sense of the words. Although I knew the story, the complete version still felt like unknown territory. I was having real trouble getting into it. 

BUT I WAS DETERMINED!

I read it, asked mumma about the phrases I couldn’t understand but she soon started to get irritated 🤣. After that, I kept to myself but didn’t stop reading it even when I couldn’t understand what was going on. The second read was a bit easier. And by the third time, I started comprehending everything. Still, I went on to read it TWICE MORE!

SUCH WAS MY OBSESSION WITH THIS BOOK!

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Even today as I recall all those memories, my mind is filled with vivid nostalgia and it is one of the warmest feelings ever.

I don’t know who I’d have been today if it wasn’t for my love for this book. It changed the course of my attention, the very nature of my thoughts and influenced my daily life in the SUBTLEST WAYS IMAGINABLE! 

Miss Austen has bewitched my mind and I LOVE HER FOR IT! And to celebrate this passion, I will be sharing all things Pride and Prejudice, apart from other things, of course.  I hope you’ll enjoy reading them! 

[THINKING OUT LOUD] NORTHANGER ABBEY BY JANE AUSTEN #2

Okay, I get it already! I know this LATE and not what you guys had in mind when you read the first part of this post but HEYY, I DID TELL YOU THAT IT WAS GOING TO BE LIKE THIS!

ANYWAYY…. I am very sorry for the delay but with everything going on, I completely forgot! Please forgive me and let’s start with my ramblings, shall we?

 

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Continue reading “[THINKING OUT LOUD] NORTHANGER ABBEY BY JANE AUSTEN #2”

[Thinking Out Loud] I should’ve read this earlier //REGRETS + RECTIFICATION// |Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen

I have a confession to make. This is something that I am very much ashamed of and have never told anyone but surely you guys will understand, right?
Yes. Yes. Yes, you will and in that honest confidence I am going to tell you that I have read ‘Northanger Abbey’ only one time. JUST ONCE!!!! UUgghhh….this is soooo embarrassing. I mean, I have read everything by our lovely Jane and I adore EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HER WORKS but I just don’t know why I haven’t read Northanger Abbey more than once? How could I be  soo unfaithful? Continue reading “[Thinking Out Loud] I should’ve read this earlier //REGRETS + RECTIFICATION// |Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen”

How long will it take for you to pick this one up? | Mansfield Park by Jane Austen

Ask any Jane Austen fan what their favourite book by the author is and you are most likely to get answers like Pride and Prejudice  Emma and in some rare cases Northanger Abbey. Seldom will you hear them say Mansfield Park. This delightful novel is soo underappreciated that it’s almost comic! You dislike Fanny’s life journey because she isn’t as witty as Elizabeth or her life isn’t as eventful as Emma’s? Yes, Fanny is shy and timid and is naturally awkward and who would not be, having been thrown into a whole new world, such as she had never had the opportunity to dwell in before. What do you expect from such a girl? Continue reading “How long will it take for you to pick this one up? | Mansfield Park by Jane Austen”

Some of Mrs. Bennet’s BEST moments

”A woman of mean understanding, little information, and uncertain temper.”

I was re-reading ‘Pride and Prejudice’ last night and I decided to follow Mr.s Bennett’s actions and words closely and oh boy, was I stupid in making that decision! She NEVER stops idiot-ing. ;p And I know I can never even hope to include all her delightful stupidities in one post, I will list some of the *very* early ones. So, happy reminiscing, Janeites. 🙂 Continue reading “Some of Mrs. Bennet’s BEST moments”

This month’s obsession – Jane Austen

Hey, soooo…………………..huh…………………………I just realized that I obsess over particular writers and/or books on a bi-weekly or monthly basis and now that I come to think about it, I can easily share it with you guys too. 🙂

For this month, I will start with my LOVE, Jane Austen! 🙂 🙂 And there will be two+ posts each week about her works and my thoughts on them, in detail. This is something I do all the time but this is the first time I will be actually writing it all down. I hope it’s fun.

Cheers *clink*