To All The Books I Didn’t Buy,

I was standing at the counter, holding a copy of If On A Winter’s Night A Traveler and Thomas Hobbes’ Leviathan. I had told myself those were the only two ones I needed at the moment. But you – your doleful eyes, your voiceless calling out to me – kept me glancing back at you.

Look.

Then look away.

Look again.

And look away. 

Shaking your pretty face from my eyes, I nodded with a faint smile when the cashier asked “would that be all, ma’am?” 

How to answer it, huh? With you staring daggers right into my weak fangirl soul! OF COURSE THAT WOULDNT BE ALL!! But what do I do? Do I go back and grab you by the hand, take you home with me, and cherish you for years to come? 

“No. No, Rain. You cannot do that. You have us to think of as well. You cannot be so selfish.” came a voice from deep inside my mind, from a corner I had chosen to forget my room even had. That dusty corner. And in that dusty corner was a stack of voices unheard. Roads untraveled. People unmet. And I have a responsibility towards them, after all. I cannot be so careless unfortu-fucking-nately!!!

But my eyes betray me.

They still end up reaching out to you.

And I see you reaching out to me.

You want me to be the one who holds you, get lost in the world contained in you. But as I think it through just once more, I realize it’s time. The cashier hands me the packet and the change. I clench my jaw as I will my eyes to not look back. The threshold arrives. And I cross it. I am on the other side now, the door closing behind me. 

But I am greedy. Greedy for one more glance at you. Just one more. It won’t be enough but at least it’ll be something. 

So I do. I look back. One last time. To pierce through your cover and catch a glimpse of the world you contain, the world I probably won’t be able to become a part of.

And I see you there. Still calling out to me, hidden in between a stack of other paperbacks a beautiful lovely pink cover with your name written over it, enticing me with its beauty.  It was love at first sight after all for I knew and I believed in the story your pages contained.

But alas, your fate. Or rather mine. Or maybe it’s just the lack of enough time but you’ll be forever listed under “All The Books I’ll Never Have the Pleasure of Reading.” 😦

[BOOK REVIEW] ”Careful what you ask the wind.” //The Near Witch by V.E. Schwab//

There are no strangers in the town of Near.

Until a stranger arrives. No signs. No warning. He sets foot in this old town full of old people set in their old ways and all of a sudden, the wind shifts it’s course.

Faint voices intertwined with the howling wind – as if lamenting it’s loss of attentive listeners. It wants to tell you a story. A story that’s as old as Near itself. A story of a misunderstood but powerful soul and it’s soul’s thirst for revenge.

Are you willing to listen?

I sat in the front yard – with my back propped up on one of those black chairs that my dad keep with such care, and legs straightened on the other. The wind that started in the rusting leaves found it’s powerful way into my open hair. It felt as if the driving force of the book I was holding in my hands had crawled into my world, and it was just the beginning.

The Near Witch had come.
Or had I gone to meet her?
Was I in the town of Near?
Or was it in me?

Honestly? I don’t even know. All I cared about was the fact that there was this strange music all around me – the wind was singing and the words were compelling. THAT was the power this book held over my mind, even my surroundings.

From the very first page itself, I was left in awe of the way Schwab played tricks on me – her hauntingly lyrical prose and the world she created were so convincing that for the time being, nothing existed other than me, the town of Near, and it’s people.

”Nothing good grows out of fear.”

Fear is a strange thing.

It has the power to make you act in ways you never even contemplated of. But while it may be true for some, others see it as an opportunity to finally let out all those horrible urges that they have been holding on for far too long. And that’s what happens when one by one, the children of this moor bound town start disappearing. People’s ignorance and unwillingness to at least try to understand a point of view that goes against their idea of what’s ”NORMAL” ignites the fire of chaos and fear feeds it until it becomes uncontrollably large and dangerous.

And all of it must come down to that mysterious stranger that ”vanishes in thin air.”
Does he?
Doesn’t he?
How can we know for SURE?!

”He’s a ghost.”

”No such thing as a ghost. He’s a halfling – part man, part crow.”

Rumors and lies start spreading all around and everyone decides to take the course that’s of the least inconvenience to them. And all of this – for what? JUST TO KEEP THEIR OWN PASTS HIDDEN.

Yes. A LOT of happens IN the story, as it goes on. But let me also tell you what happens OUT of it.

You see it’s one thing to follow the characters – especially such strong and determined ones as Lexibut it’s a whole another thing to actually BE them, to lose yourself in their struggles and actions that you experience the same changes that THEY go through. ALL OF THAT is what happens seemingly away from the hustle and bustle of the ongoing plot

because it happens in oneself;
it happens IN THE HEART AND THE MIND.

Lexi was someone who believed in what she did and did what she had ABSOLUTE AND UNWAVERING FAITH IN. She was so in touch with the gifts that the moor – the nature – had bestowed on her that it was a delightful experience to just BE ON THE JOURNEY WITH HER.

The way the whole story is structured and written is additive BEYOND MY EXPECTATIONS!! What started as a love affair with the cover soon made me realize that the TRUE beauty of this book lay deep within it’s heart, in it’s very core – and I could not have been more pleased!

Page after page, I could feel myself becoming more and more emotionally invested in Lexi and Cole’s relationship. Theirs was an attachment that was given time to flourish as naturally as a little rose bud spreading it’s petalled wings delicately and unapologetically FOR ALL TO SEE AND ADMIRE AND FALL IN LOVE WITH IT!

COLE, though! I fell for him. Ached for him. Rooted for him. I did it ALL for him and Lexi. AND OH MY GOD! The more I fell for him, the more I feared that he would be taken away from me! 😦

BUT WAS HE?

WHAT HAPPENED EXACTLY –
To the Near Witch that she had to unleash her wrath upon the village?
To the people of Near who were so rigidly set in their – borderline idiotic – ways?
To Lexi and Cole who were thrown into circumstances they SHOULD NOT have had to deal with so young?
AND ABOVE ALL –

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU ONCE YOU DECIDE TO PICK UP THIS GORGEOUS BOOK?

I’ll let you find all of that out o your own. But, always remember –

“Properly buried.”
“Properly kept.”
“That is the way with witches.”
“And with all things.”

And disrespected bodies often give rise to vengeful bones that lay their roots deep and infect the land with their hatred and anger.

[A READER’S LIFE] The Crazy Book-Girl //Things I did as a kid that earned me this title// PART-2

Having had WAY TOO many crazy bookish moments in my childhood, I have been wanting to share this post ever since I wrote the part one. 

My childhood was full on crazyI’d slap someone four years older than me and then get into trouble for that, took a few things too and hid them in a place where nobody could find them and then watched everyone panic – a classic example of this was when I took my aunt’s gold ring and kept it in my room.

In my defense I was only 5 years old and that ring was very fucking shiny – it had a peacock engraved in it. IMAGINE THAT!

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Yeah, so I took it – in innocence – but when she got mad at her own girls, I was afraid of telling her that it wasn’t them, it was me. And so, I didn’t speak out for the next three days – until my mum found it while looking for something in my bag. 

But, hey, THAT’S ANOTHER THING!! 🤷🏻‍♀️ Right now, I just wanna talk about some other things I did as a child that earned me the label I now wear with much pride and respect – “The Crazy Book Girl”

Let’s begin, shall we? 

undefinedGuilty of Stealing 

Ladies and Gentleman, we are gathered here today to witness the public shaming of this girl – who goes by the name RAIN.

Look at her. Just look. So innocent, isn’t she? Well, don’t be fooled by her little face because behind that innocent smile is the heart of a very heinous criminal who can and WILL destroy everything you hold dearmainly books.

The Local PD, Bookishton

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Yep. They are absolutely fucking right. I did steal someone’s book once. 

Hey, hey, HEYYY! Before you come at me with torches and swords, let me explain dude.

It was the year 2005 and I was merely 9 years old. By that time, I had already fallen head over heels in love with books – those pretty little books hiding those pretty little stories! 

This one time my ”friend” – let’s call her P – brought her recently rand new social science book to school. Okay, I admit that the content wasn’t very exciting but THOSE PAGES – glossy and smooth as butter. HARDCOVER. Pretty drawings. IT WAS THE VERY DEFINITION OF BEAUTY. 

And I was jealous. And SHE FUCKING KNEW IT! That’s why she kept showing it off whole dayy! 

Well, I got mad and decided I wanted that book. And so, when she went to the bathroom – I took the book out and put it in my bag. It wasn’t too big so nobody noticed me doing so.

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The first few moments I felt awesome but it soon converted into guilt. As that feeling started to overpower me, I decided to out it back in her bag but she came back right at that moment and since it was the last period, I couldn’t do it that day! 

When she went home, she must have cried a lot because her new book was missing. AND I FELT AWFUL TOO! And so, the next day – since I usually arrived in class before everyone else – I put the book on the very back seat and sat on my own bench.

The boy who was sitting there noticed the book in the first period, read her name and gave it back to her and that was that.

P, if you are reading this, I HOPE THIS TEACHES YOU NEVER TO FUCKING SHOW OFF! 

NOW GO AWAY. You were a mean bean in the later years and I HATE YOU! 😡

undefinedIt’s all about them stickers

As a child, I had a LOT of picture books. My mum used to bring me new ones every year from the book fair. IT USED TO BE ONE OF THE MOST ANTICIPATED DAY OF THE YEAR. And then, she used to give them to me at the end of every academic year – in March.

It was a lovely tradition and it helped in cultivating my reading habit. And so, I always prized those books and kept them decorated. With lots of those puffy stickers.

One of those books was titled – ”The Best Classic Fairy Tales’‘ –  It was very pretty orange colored and puffy and it had some of my favorite stories like Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood, and Beauty and the Beast.

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I loved it and of course during those first few months of owning it, I would take it to school everyday, not to show it off though LIKE THAT P! 😡 Just to make sure that it’s alright, safe with me. 

I never took it out of my bag in the class. Never except that one time – in the social science period. Our teacher – with her typical short hair and mean eyes – noticed it and took it from me, asking me to give it back at the period’s end.

I waited impatiently for the bell to ring and as soon as it did, I was the first one off my seat and in front of the teacher’s desk. But she decided to troll me instead, saying that she wanted to borrow the book for a day – so that her daughter could read it.

I couldn’t very well refuse her, EXAMS WERE NEAR, worse luck! And so I nodded. 

The next day, however, when she returned the book, I was shocked to see what her daughter had done – torn off ALL OF MY STICKERS, leaving the pages looking ugly with all those white patches. Like this: 😦

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And you know what? She pretended as if that was always the case – as if it was like that when she took it from me in the first place!

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?! An apology would’ve been nice. 

From that day, I started being rude to that particular teacher and she’d purposefully cut my marks off for the MOST RANDOM MISTAKES.

Oh well.

undefinedHide your sweaters from me if you are a rude ass punk. 

Some of you who have read the part one of this post already know that I once beat up a guy for stealing my book. Well, that wasn’t the only bookish beating I executed.

There was one more. Just one. But this one is VERY important and I AM STILL VERY PROUD OF IT. 

I must have been around 11? years old when this happened. You see, I used to sit with this guy from my class in the bus while going back home. He and I used to read comics. The seats used to be really small so we would sit very close to each other and read from the comics – just random cartoons or something, I don’t even remember their names now.

And this other classmate of mine, call him Hasshole, he used to make fun of that. He used to gossip about us, that mean boy gossip you know, it makes me laugh now that I think about it. 

But boy did he cross his limit when he snatched the comic from us this one time and crumpled it (they used to be very thin) and started laughing like the Hasshole he was! 

He shouldn’t have done that. I got so fucking angry that I went to him, pinned him to the back of the bus, and tore his sweater a bit, starting with it’s v neck. You get the idea, yeah?

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He cried and cried until his stop came and unfortunately, it was the same as mine. When his mum, standing there to pick him up, saw this she asked him about it and he told her everything.

She scolded me and took me to my mother, who then scolded me again and I wasn’t allowed to go out to play FOR A WEEK!

 FUCK THAT ”HASSHOLE.” I HATE HIM! 


*SIGH* Well, THAT was a fun ride, wasn’t it? 😉
These are some of THE MOST memorable moments of my childhood, makes them laugh to even think about them now. And I have this vague idea that THESE ARE NOT ALL – maybe I’m forgetting something?!

I GOTTA GO ASK MUMMA!

Until, next time then?

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[A READER’S LIFE] The Crazy Book-Girl// Things I did as a kid that earned me this title//

Books and Me = inseparable.

For as long as I can remember.

I have loved them, lived in them, sometimes hated them as well BUT WE HAVE NEVER BEEN APART. Even during that phase when I used to despise the very existence of the written word – yeah that did happen to me as a teenager – I still ensured the well-being of all the pretties that adorned my shelf. 

And people noticed that. Called me obsessive.

BUT it’s not like I didn’t find leisure in other things as well! I was not the kind whose nose was stuck in a book every hour of every day. I liked being outdoorsplaying badminton/volleyball with my friends after finishing the homework, running, thinking of world-dominion. (AND WE CAME UP WITH SOME PRETTY CRAZY IDEAS! xD)

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But reading was still one of my FAVORITE things to do. And as my love for it increased, so did the number of extreme and crazy things I used to and I am here to share them with you. ARE YOU READY???!! 😉

(PLEEEEAAAAAASE DONT BE TOO SHOCKED!!!)

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I BEAT UP A GUY ONCE

BECAUSE….

he took one of my books out of my bag during lunchtime when I was out with my friends. IT WAS A JOKE, he said! A JOKE? What about the fucking heart-attack I suffered from when I thought it was lost? Add to it the fact that it was the illustrated collection of fairy tales that mumma had gotten for me as a present!

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I was fuming. THIS TIME HE WENT TOO FAR! So I punched him in the eye REAL HARD and took my book back. Sure, it got me a strict tete-a-tete with the principal, my parents were called, I was scolded A LOTBUT IT WAS ALLLLL WORTH IT!

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THE DINOSAUR BOOK

There were some books in our library that kids below a certain age weren’t allowed to read. And the ENORMOUS and ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS book about Dinosaurs and how they became extinct belonged to this category.  I saw a guy reading it in the library once and the next time it was our class’ turn, I asked our librarian for it. But upon hearing my request, she made the ugliest face imaginable and said,

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BUT I WAS DETERMINED TO HOLD THAT BEAUTY IN MY HAND NO MATTER WHAT!

So, I called my grandpa and told him all about it. As a kid, he was the one I went to with all my school-related trifles and this incident was no different.

The next day during our English period, I was summoned to the principal office and there he was, my grandpa, talking to her and I KNEW THAT MY DREAM OF READING THAT BOOK WAS GOING TO BE A REALITY REAL SOON because right then and there the principal wrote a note granting me permission to read whatever I book I desired.

 FORM THAT DAY ON, SCHOOL WAS A B0OK HEAVEN FOR ME! ❤

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MY BOOKISH NEEDS ARE ABOVE YOUR CHILDREN’S

My aunt used to have this little copy of Captains Courageous that I was drawn to. It was a very beautiful – faded and soo fucking cute! The very moment I saw it in her house, I knew I had to have it. So, I, doing my best puppy-dog eyes, convinced her to give it to me. I WAS SO THRILLED BY THE FACT THAT IT BELONGED TO ME NOW!  

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Fast forward to two years later. 

One of my cousins, my aunt’s daughters, asked for her mother’s copy of Captains Courageous. I led her into my room where it was proudly sitting on my night-stand. Upon seeing it, she asked me if she could have the book back now that I had already read it. I refused and offered to buy her a new copy but she wanted her mothers’ which was OUT OF THE QUESTION, as far as I was concerned. She cried about it but I DIDN’T BUDGE.

Listen, THAT BOOK BELONGED TO ME NOW. THOSE PAGES HELD THE MEMORIES OF ALL THE TIMES I HAD READ AND RE-READ IT AND THERE WAS NO WAY I WAS GONNA GIVE IT UP.

(YEP! Now that I think about it, the title was well-earned. 😉 )

laurels+flowers_0007_Vector Smart ObjectTAPING THE EDGES
(I still do this.)

Bent corners add to the beauty of used books but they are a blot to the beauty of the new ones. There is nothing I hate more than seeing the perfection of a new book being compromised and my little self used to feet just as keenly about this.

And to tackle this problem of ruined edges, I started taping the edges of all of my paperbacks AS SOON AS I BOUGHT THEM! Sure, it took a bit of time but IT RENDERED THE COVER INDESTRUCTIBLE (at least from rough-handling)!!

 

LOOK AT THEM!

These editions are 10 years old, have been read MANY MANY TIMES and they are still in impressive condition, aren’t they??!!

YEAH, THAT’S THE MAGIC OF TAPING THE FUCKING EDGES! ❤ ❤

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I know. I know.

You must be judging me for some of these. xD BUT WHAT CAN I SAY!???! That’s how I used to roll! And although I don’t make little girls cry anymore, I am not completely unwilling to throw the occasional punch should any threat may befall my precious paperback companions. 😉

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT MEEE!! I WANNA KNOW ABOUT YOUR CRAZY EXPERIENCES TOOOOO!!!
So, let’s talk.