A BOOK REVIEWER’S Prayer + Promise + Warning.

YOU MUST NOT READ MY REVIEWS for I will let my heart judge the words, without any inhibitions.

When I am holding a book, my mind is no longer the master. For it is my belief that once you let too much reason in, it muddies the effect the story has on you on a much deeper level. 

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Having read a book, I will jump straight into the review with emotions hanging over my head like a sword, threatening to destroy me lest I pour them out on the paper. It pains me to not be able to talk about what I read right away so I will always be very passionate and most insistent while talking about the merits and the faults of a story.

I will not be led by anything other than what my feelings dictate.

There will not be one shred of dishonesty in what I write. Everything will be in strict accordance with the feelings invoked and the thoughts reflected upon during the course of the reading. So you can imagine that it will, sometimes, prove to be a daunting read. And I am okay with that.

When the reader is wholly invested, in a book nothing but a true account of every movement of their mind, owing to the story, will ever give them satisfaction. So that’s what I do. My reviews are much too intense and hold true to only what I thought about the book, not influenced by anyone or anything else. In that way, they will be brutal, and forgiving accordingly.

You must not be in a delusion that you will be told a detailed account of what happened with whom, who did what, and how it all ended for them. No. The only things you will find in my reviews are what moved me, what incited feelings of passionate hate or ardent love, of ignorance and indifference or that of continuous awe. That’s all I can offer you by the medium of my humble writings.

But frankly, why would you want to know anything else anyway?

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Isn’t the real reason why we read book reviews to know what the reader FELT about it? Not what happened, but their REACTIONS to the said events? THAT’S the beauty of every single review out there, isn’t it? Their singularity, their originality.

You must not read my reviews for they will be an honest account of my shattering heart and all the reasons behind it.

They will be raw, overflowing with emotions, and you might then be inclined to suppose that I am blind to the faults of the book. I am not but to think so is your choice.

You must not read my reviews because then, you will HAVE to read the book concerned with as much an open heart and suspended belief as I did, to experience, IN IT’S FULLNESS, the story those pages hold.

YOU MUST NOT READ MY REVIEWS IF YOU ARE UNWILLING TO DO THAT.
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Such are my thoughts on review writing, how they should be and why a reviewer must NEVER be forced to do otherwise. Doing justice to a book, according to our opinions on it, is all we are required to do and THAT’S ALL WE WILL DO.

EVER.

[A BLOGGER’S LIFE] A RAT RACE // Surviving in a World Where EVERYONE Wants to be THE BEST//

I don’t remember the last time I felt pure joy while reading a beautifully written blog post. I sure felt enchanted BUT my heart was impaired, just a little bit. With a hint of envy.

How are they writing such gorgeous things?

Why can’t I too?

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Such were the background thoughts that kept me troubled. And the sad thing is that I lost the chance of learning a thing or two from those amazing writers because I was too invested in my jealousy, that awful feeling clutching my mind in its trap – making me feel like I was doing something wrong.

The blogging world is as harsh as it is friendly. Sure you will find some awesome people here, writing beautiful things but you will also feel your heart getting corrupt as you will grudge them their talent. And then, you will try twice as hard to reach their level.

Now imagine that there are hundreds of bloggers going through this exact same process, thinking the exact same thoughts, taking the exact same steps. 

EVERYONE is in the race to become perfect. Doing their best. And then some. To reach the top.

When this realization strikes your mind, you become ruthless in your efforts, not even stopping to take notice of what you are missing out of in the process. 

My view, however, is a bit different now.

I like to imagine the world to be much more generous. I believe that THAT PEDESTAL AT THE TOP is wide enough for all of us to stand together and enjoy that unparalleled feeling of accomplishment.

And as far as I have seen, that’s the only way to surviveIf you start getting too competitive and forget to be kind, then you trample the dreams of others and trust me, building your own castles on the graveyard of someone else’s hopes and wishes is no way to live grandly. You will not be happy because there will always be a sneaking fear that someone might come from behind and knock you off. 

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But if instead of being nasty, you lend a helping hand to your fellow bloggers and friends, provide them with resources and advise them on the things that might help THEIR blog grow as well, then it won’t just be beneficial for them but for you as well.

No man is an island.

Together is the only way forward. We grow by helping others. And the road to success is wide enough to accommodate everyone. Then why not make some friends, help them grow and enjoy the trip?

Why make becoming successful a  tedious task when it can be so much fun instead?

Don’t you adore that feeling when someone you generously helped succeeds in their endeavor? The fact that you contributed to their success makes you feel lovely, doesn’t it? So why not support all those wonderful blogs – help them instead of being envious?  It doesn’t cost you anything. And it CERTAINLY WON’T AFFECT YOUR OWN SUCCESS! It will, however, add a hundred times to your personal satisfaction. DONT YOU WANT THAT? Don’t you want to feel lovely? Generous? Kind? Good? Beautiful? 

We are drowning in our dream of BEING THE BEST. The water is soo far up our heads that it has made our thinking all fuzzy. We have forgotten the very simple fact –

“THE BEST” isn’t a title that can only be awarded to one person. Hell, EVERYONE CAN BE THE BEST! And it’s when all of us are helping each other realize each other’s dreams that we become THE BEST VERSION OF OURSELVES.

Every single of us is trying our hardest to succeed, feeling exhilarated that we finally made it, but if we reach there with a rope made of twisted and broken dreams, our excitement will be short-lived because believe it or not, even at the top of the world, you need someone to share the view with you otherwise it’s just a hollow accomplishment.

You’ll soon become lonely and ultimately lose the passion that kept the flame burning because the reason behind that passion was a corrupt one – ENVY AND A DESIRE TO OVERTAKE SOMEONE ELSE’S SUCCESS. Such a hunger eventually subsides, leaving you aimless and devoid of hope.

Why condemn yourself to go through that?

[A READER’S LIFE] Confessions of a VERY picky, VERY moody, VERY stubborn reader.

Reading is a habit I formed very early in life. One of the very first books I read was The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. That kid irked me in the beginning, to be honest. I only had the abridged version of the book and since I read it a very long time ago, I have forgotten most of what happens with him but there is ONE THING I DO REMEMBER and I REMEMBER IT VIVIDLY:

”Tom”
No answer.
”Tom.”
No answer

And then Aunt Polly just loses it!

Continue reading “[A READER’S LIFE] Confessions of a VERY picky, VERY moody, VERY stubborn reader.”

[A BLOGGER’S LIFE] What does it take to be a better blogger? //E V E R Y T H I N G//

There are thousands of blogs out there. Thousands of people doing EXACTLY what you are doing. Punching words, copy-pasting pics, hitting publish. JUST THAT. But for some reason, their blogs are doing better than yours. WAYYYY BETTER.

How?

I have been thinking about it a lot lately. Observing other blogs. The behaviors of the minds behind them. All the best ones that I have come across till now have some things in common. WHAT ARE THEY?

It’s not like they have cosmic powers or anything like that! OR DOOOO THEYYY??? *gasps*

LET’S FIND OUT!

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THEY ARE CONSISTENT

I started this blog in 2017. In September, to be precise. I was having so much fun meeting new people, making friends, sharing my opinions. But due to some reason I had to take a year off (as some of you already know).

Looking back at that time, if I am being honest, I didn’t really need to take a complete break. I realize now that even during that year, I had more than enough time to keep posting once or twice a week. But I sought the easy way out and shut my blog off completely.

I ask myself today, WAS THAT A GOOD MOVE? Needless to say, it wasn’t.

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Had I stayed consistent even when it got a bit difficult, had I stayed the course and tried a bit harder, I would be in a better place than I am now.

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IT’S NOT JUST A HOBBY WITH THEM

Now, I know some of you who have read my last post might think I am being a bit contrary here but I am not. Just hear me out.

Of course, the first and foremost rule of blogging is to do it for fun, to take pleasure in it.

But, in my experience, there comes a phase every once in a while when even the things you REALLY love lose their charm.

And when that happens, there are two courses of action before you:

•  You can either just go to the extreme and decide that maybe it wasn’t for you.

•  Or you can keep doing it for a little while more, hoping that it’ll pass (although you might have to work twice as hard for it.)

The first one is a very defeatist approach. You must never throw in the towel at the first hints of a struggle. Really, if anyone of you is a runner here then you know how fucking hard those first couple of miles are! But once your body adjusts to this new activity, it feels like you are flying, your lungs are on fire and you feel like you could just keep running till the end of your days!

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Yes, that’s it. That rule applies to everything in life, including blogging.

Push through the proverbial pain. It WILL get better. And before you know it, you will be doing your best! And that’s all that REALLY counts, isn’t it?

So please, don’t fall down just yet. Hold it, for a little bit longer.

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THEY COMMENT BACK

Do you have any idea how absolutely rude it is for you to just leave all the comments unliked and unreplied? (is that a word?)

Reading a post and then leaving a thoughtful comment TAKES TIME. And if your lovely readers can take precious time out of their schedules to comment on your posts, the LEAST you can do is fucking reply! I am sorry but I feel really strongly about this one.

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DON’T TAKE THIS PERSONALLY!!! xDxDxD

And hey, I totally understand that commenting back feels like a full-time job sometimes.

So what?

Blogging is not ALL FUN AND GAMES. It takes ACTUAL WORK (as you already know) And who’s asking you to comment back immediately anyway? Set a day aside and engage with all the comments on your posts on then. Readers are not easily offended. If you apologize for taking a bit of time to reply, they will understand. But they WILL get pissed off when weeks go by, you have put more posts out there and still, their thoughts go unacknowledged.

The best bloggers out there always take this rule to heart. They may be late in replying sometimes but they NEVER forget it.

That said, while I was on my unannounced hiatus, some totally awesome people commented on my posts but since I was away, I didn’t know about it and I just discovered that I had unapproved ones and I FEELL SOO FUCKING GUILTY NOW! So yeah AGAIN learn from all the messed up examples (a k a ME) before you and DONT COMMIT SUCH BLOGGING SINS.

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THEY RECOGNIZE THE VALUE OF FRIENDS

Believe it or not, it’s always friends who will give you the acknowledgment you deserve and desire.

Every blog has those readers who like/comment on a couple of posts and then don’t come back for an eternity! 🤣🤣 And hey, that’s fine! They have their charm too.

But it’s only those who you have really connected to and made friends with who will always encourage you on every single one of your posts.

They will like them, comment on them, give you shout outs. ALL of these things are very important in the blogging community. And if you are thinking that you can survive without them, then you are so fucking wrong. Because without people reading what you write, you may as well stop blogging and go write in a fucking notebook.

But if you want genuine appreciation and support, then you better climb off that high horse and start being nice to people.

LIFE’S BETTER WITH FRIENDS and SO IS BLOGGING!

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THEY GIVE BACK

When you visit a blog, like the posts, comment on them, the blogger isn’t automatically required to reciprocate it. There is no rule that says that.

BUT the best ones out there know the value of a community enough to not just be a taker. They give back TEN TIMES the love you offer them. Whenever and however their time allows.

They know that every single one of us is struggling out here and trying our hardest and they make sure that we know how much they appreciate our support. That’s a trait everyone of us should learn if we want to be loved in this community.

Listen, the ONLY way you move upwards in ANY area of life is by helping others, taking them with you.  And don’t you fear that if they get better, you might lose your place.

THERE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR EVERY ONE OF US IN THIS BEAUTIFUL WORLD.

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Do you agree? Or not? Do you have any other tips to add to the list? Let us all know in the comments! ❤️

[A BLOGGER’S LIFE] Beyond Comments, Likes & Followers// HOW TO SHAKE THE POPULARITY COMPLEX//

Blogging comes with its own set of anxieties. You start a blog, you write that first post – which you think is immaculately written, by the way – you hit publish, and then NADA. You may as well be screaming into the void!

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No one comments back.
No one likes your post.
No one even visits your blog.

And then you start to feel let down by your own genius – “Maybe my thoughts aren’t worth that much.”

Now, it’s only natural to want people to read your content. We crave comments not because they make us seem popular but because they validate our ideas, our thoughts and that’s something even the most talented and seemingly indifferent writers want.

But what makes them different from YOU is that although they WANT that, they don’t necessarily construct their content around that desire!!

Face it, we see a popular blog writing amazing posts and people commenting back and forth and WE WANT THAT. We all want that. AND THAT’S GOOOOOOD!!

I believe you actually should take steps to promote your blog, to make friends in the blogging community to ensure that your content is being read BUT what we fail to realize is that when this necessity becomes an obsession, that’s when the quality of our writing starts degrading. Because then we just write whatever will get us comments, whatever gets us reblogs and mentions and all sorts. Now, all that is fun and should be participated in WITHOUT IT REACHING THE POINT WHERE IT BECOMES YOUR SOLE PURPOSE BEHIND WRITING.

And I am totally speaking from personal experience.

Before starting this little beauty I wrote on a different platform, still a blog of sorts. It was my first experience of watching other people engaged in meaningful and deep conversations and I wanted that badly.
So I would do research on the most famous blogs and would write in accordance with what they were preaching, what their ideas were. I didn’t realize that they were saying what was on THEIR MINDS! It was their personal opinion. It was something that THEY felt really STRONGLY about. AND THAT’S WHAT GAVE THEIR POSTS SUCH MEANING AND POWER!

I, on the other hand, was just faking an interest in similar topics and needless to say, THE QUALITY OF MY POSTS WAS ABSOLUTE TRASH. Well, okay not TRASH, but it wasn’t something that even I myself would want to read. Because I didn’t feel THAT strongly about it. AND THE READERS MUST HAVE BEEN LIKE – 

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I still kept on doing it (I don’t know what THE FUCK I was even hoping for) until there came a time when I ultimately tired my mind of forcing it to write on topics that just weren’t my forte. I wasn’t well opinionated about them and naturally, that led to a decline of that blog.

I started this one, however, with a pledge that I will only write what I REALLY WANT to write about and I will not let myself be WRONGLY influenced by the popularity in the blogosphere. Don’t misunderstand me, some posts are so immaculately written that they force me to think, form opinions of my own on that topic, and ultimately generate ideas related to it. Now THAT’S healthy. But writing something just for the sake of popularity is a race that would never win you accolades and certainly not loyal and happy followers.

That’s my promise to you!

The blogging community is rich with beautiful and well-structured ideas and you will always find something to inspire you, to actually make you THINK. And that’s what good content should inevitably do. It should either entertain you, make you feel happy, or it should make you think hard and true about something, or sometimes both.

But you should NEVER sway from your preferred path and change the whole identity of your thought system just for the sake of experiencing the thrill of being someone who writes about topics that, even though are totally out of your area of expertise or opinions, gets you comments or followers.

That being said, I would still like to encourage each and every one of you to go out there and introduce yourself to all these other absolutely lovely human beings and their beautiful blogs because every writer, even someone who has a HUGE bank of knowledge and genius that would fade Mark Twain in comparison, needs readers who can make sense of what he writes. Because in the end, a post, although a piece of mind of the writer, is worth what readers make of it, and what they get out of it. Could be more than that but it’s CERTAINLY NOTHING LESS!

So, GO WRITE POSTS THAT YOU WANT TO WRITE, ON THINGS THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT! Be inspired by other people. Think hard and true and THEN go and promote what you write and it’s my promise to you that there will be many, many readers who will resonate with what you wrote.

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LOOK AT THIS HANDSOME BASTARD!!! ❤ ❤  *heart eyes*

Attract YOUR kind of audience by writing YOUR kind of posts. THAT’S the way to win those loyal followers and commenters. 😉

[DISCUSSION] Challenging or Entertaining – Which Ones Should You Be Reading?

When I choose a book to read, that decision is not based solely on whether I want to read something that would inspire thought-provoking questions or not. I simply choose according to my mood.

Sometimes I want the book to take me places, show me lovely things, make me feel like a million bucks. On those particular days, I don’t want it to fucking bombard me with existential questions. I just want to escape. And at these times, novels, for me, are just a means to an end.

On the others, however, I am not content with just reading some fluffy tale of JACK – the rabbit and FLUFFY- the squirrel who had adventures in the Tree Land and in the end everything was happy-happy.

NOPE

Today, I want a glimpse of the ugly side of humanity. I want to read about everything that I didn’t know before. I want the castle of my beliefs blown to rubble with bombs of truth and in their place, I want new ideas planted. I want to know about all the horrors that went down in the history of the world and how they were faced. I want to know about people, their shortcomings – the dirty side of humanity – ALL OF IT.

I want to know it all.

These are the two basic moods which I, as a reader, identify with and which dominate the choices I make while deciding what to read.

It all comes down to what you find rewarding on what day. (But that’s not to say that a book can’t be both challenging and entertaining at the same time)

When I decide to read something that can potentially be described as ”challenging’‘, I don’t take it up because my mind goes –

”Okay, so I’d like to be a pretentious ass clown today and would like everyone around me to feel like failures so let me just get my swag on open this bad boy real quick.”

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NO.

I read it because I WANT  to. Because I think it’d be a rewarding, eye-opening, and mind-boggling experience.
It is as simple as that.

It’s just good ol’ curiosity.

And I think you only ever read something if the plot, or something about the author – this that or the other – sparks curiosity in you. Otherwise no matter what, you won’t even TOUCH the damn thing! And even if you DID, it won’t be as insightful because you will not go through with it BECAUSE you didn’t WANT to read it in the first place.
Because you didn’t think that the rewards of completing it would justify the act of reading the beast itself. 

We don’t read just for the satisfaction of having read a difficult book so we can boast about it, we read it to get something out of it. 

And the books aren’t challenging ME. I am challenging THEM to change my mind, to make my ideas conform to theirs. They might succeed and I’ll become their slave ❤ or I might remain unconvinced.

Either way, it’s not just about reading a complex work, it’s also about how that particular work of fiction gets it’s the point across and if the labor of going page-by-page through a ”challenging” novel for 500+ hours is, FOR YOU, worth the satisfaction and expansion of mind you will experience afterward. (But hey, you read enough of those seemingly complex books and soon they will become your leisure read instead! )

If, on any particular day, the answer to these questions is YES, I go and grab that baby. If, however, I am not feeling up to it though, I read my Katie Fforde and call it a day.

So, in the end, what I’d like to say is this –

Reading is SUCH a diverse hobby, with a number of different ways to go about it. It’s not for anyone else to decide what kind of novels YOU should read. If you feel like going towards the Classics section, then, by all means, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT! But if you feel intimidated and just want to stick with your copy of Harry Potter and The Hobbit (LIKE I FREQUENTLY DO ;)) that’s okay too.

And anyway who the fuck said that the simple ones cannot be challenging enough anyway? Some of the most memorable pieces of fiction I have read have been deceptively minimal. (Think Mister Pip)

So, don’t think it has to be one or the other. IT CAN BE BOTH. Or it can be EITHER ONE. You decide. ❤

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I have still just scratched the surface with this one. What do you think? Do you agree with me? What are your thoughts on it?

[A READER’S LIFE] 5 TOTALLY Weird Things I do as a Reader, Lover, Dragon of BOOKS

(WARNING – It might get a bit dramatic around here. But hey, that’s just how I roll. 😉 )

Books are paperbound dreams that lift you up, up and above everything you know and everything you like to escape from. Soo pretty, soo beautiful – you just want to admire them and hold them near and never let them go. But they are also the cause of many of those weird quirks that we unintentionally and inevitably form.

And I am here to share them with you.

WHY, you ask?

Well, I don’t know about you guys but it’d do me good to know that I am not the only one who does these crazy-ass things.

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❤ TOUCH-THEM-NOT

I don’t like people going through my shelves. PERIOD

Yes, they can admire those immaculately put, beautifully arranged mighty ones BUT THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH THEM, TAKE THEM OUT AND START FIDGETING!!! I know, I know, it’s super extreme and hey, I wasn’t like that always, okay?

But something happened once upon a time –

Mumma was showing some distant cousins my books (YEAH THEY WANTED TO SEE THEM BECAUSE ..OBVIOUSLY! *PFFTTTTT*) when one of them wanted to see ”that big, blue one” (and here we are talking about LADY MIDNIGHT by CASSANDRA CLAIRE) She took it out. The little guy held it for a few nanoseconds, got bored, left it lying on my bed and went out. And as she was putting the book back, she totally messed up the corners doing the task in a hurried, haphazard way.

MY. OWN. MOTHER!!

THE BETRAYAL!

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I was NEVER THE SAME AGAIN!!

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❤ PROTECT AND ATTACK

When I was little, me and my little brother used to sleep in the same room. Our study was in the room adjacent and all my books were there.

One day I heard of a break-in in one of our neighbor’s house,
I WAS SOO FREAKED OUT and NEEDLESS TO SAY that from that day on I slept with ALL of my books tucked around my bed because I was afraid that some vicious fuck llama might steal my babies!!!!

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And this is something I still do, by the way.  I NEVER leave my books in the bag whenever I go to stay at my relatives’. I take them out at night, keep them by my bed and the next day, I do it all over again.


SUPER WEIRD, I KNOW!

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❤ TO-READ or NOT-TO-READ

Now, this is the reason behind many of my reading slumps. I get soo sulky after reading a beautiful story that I JUST DON’T WANNA START A NEW BOOK because then all the memories of the one I just finished will be GOONEEE!!!

I feel as if I will lose a part of me. And that’s one of the biggest reasons why I don’t start a new book FOR A REALLY REALLY LONG TIME.

This happened when I first finished reading Harry Potter. I WAS SOO IN LOVEEE WITH EVERYTHING ABOUT THOSE BOOKS THAT I RE-READ THAT SERIES COUNTLESS TIMES before moving on to The Hobbit. and then, what do you know? THE PATTERN REPEATED ITSELF! I was a glutton for them and –

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The most recent example of this though is when I read The Snow Child. That book destroyed mee!!

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❤ FEAR AND LOATHING INSIDE THE T.V. SCREEN

I am sure you guys can DEFINITELY relate with this one.

I am afraid of watching book adaptations. THE FEAR OF DISAPPOINTMENT IS JUST TOO GREAT. Sure, there are some really good ones out there but whenever I find out that the book I read has been or is going to be made into a movie/series, I get so fucking nervous because a part of me believes that it’s just not going to be good enough.

Case in point, Good Omens. The adaptation came out months ago on Amazon Prime but I kept putting it off till now because I DIDN’T WANT O REPLACE MY PERSONAL IMAGE OF ALL THOSE CHARACTERS AND AMAZING SCENES.

But it was FAAAR from being a disappointment, I am telling you! I ABSOLUTELY ADORED THE SERIES!!! ❤

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❤ SHARING IS NOT AN OPTION

Whenever I come across an amazing, heart-wrenching book I don’t want to tell anyone about it. At least not in the beginning.

You see I feel like telling people about it will somehow take the magic away and...then it won’t be as special anymore.

This happened to me recently when I was reading The Night Circus. My friend asked me if I recommended it and I FLAT OUT SAID –

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I know that was a horrendous thing to do but I WAS JUST NOT READY TO SHARE MY LOVE WITH HER.

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❤ OH MY LIBRARY, HOW I LOVE THEE!

Whenever I visit my local library, I AM FILLED WITH ENVY BY ALL THE PEOPLE THAT ARE THERE. Like what are you all doing here, you abominable little shits??

THIS LIBRARY IS MINE!
THESE BOOKS ARE MINE!
AND MINE ALONE!

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SO GET YOUR FILTHY LITTLE HANDS OFF THEM YOU ABOMINABLE TWATS!!! 

I mean I could be browsing in a completely different section but if I see someone else in the next one, picking out gorgeous hardbacks and stroking them, I GET SICK TO MY STOMACH! It’s like hey, my future boyfriend might be in there and you are probing him!

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WHAT ABOUT YOU, HUH? Which of these habits are you guilty of? Can you add to my list of weird little quirks that readers have? WHICH ONE DID YOU FIND THE WEIRDEST? Let me know.

[A READER’S LIFE] Beware the SLUMP //Treating a READER’S most-feared disease//

Reading. Reading some more. More reading.
Reading is fun.
Reading is life.
Reading is DOPE. (do people still use that word. though?)

READING ALSO BECOMES A PAIN IN THE ASS SOMETIMES! 

Don’t get me wrong. There is NOTHING I love more than waking up to a box full books just arrived from Amazon but
BUT
BUTTTT…

What to do when you JUST CANNOT MAKE IT WORK?

Well, I have successfully overcome this. Sure it took me a LOOONGGG time but hey, what matters is that I DID IT! And so I am PERFECTLY qualified to share my amazing tips with you as well.

So let’s get to it then!

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TOO FUNNY TO NOT USE!!!! XDXDXDXDXD

Continue reading “[A READER’S LIFE] Beware the SLUMP //Treating a READER’S most-feared disease//”

Acceptance //DRAGONS & DUNGEONS//

Silver streaks of light enter the window to the left of my bed. I am lying with my back to it but I can still feel the cold rays breathing down my neck. I giggle into the phone before going silent for several minutes. 

“What do you fear the most?” I finally say, after a long and calculated thought process.

I hear him breathe deeply. My heart is pounding loudly inside my chest. It has been sixteen months today that I have been with this wonderful man but It’s still like every conversation is a magnificent door to a figment of his mind, his imagination and it’s a constant source of wonder to me.

He lets go of himself and I listen to every syllable coming out of his mouth and into my ears with utmost sincerity and awe. I am completely mesmerized by him. Every time he speaks, I feel like I am diving closer and closer into his heart and I feel a great joy filling my body.

Its been hours and I still just can’t get enough. I ask him about the littlest of fears or doubts he might have. Anything at all.

E V E R Y T H I N G

What excited him the most throughout the day? What the worst part was? Why he feels insecure? What inspires worried imaginations?

        YES.

E V E R Y   L I T T L E   T H I N G.

And I can feel the weight from his heart lifting and his body relaxing with each thought he entrusts to me. I feel satisfied. Satisfied that I was able to make him feel appreciated and adored, something I most love to do.

Another silence.

Honestly, I am waiting for him to just speak one more sentence. No, more a question really.

“And you, baby? What are your fears? Tell me. I wanna know” 

I wait.

And I wait.

And I wait some more.

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But he doesn’t say it. He starts another topic. I gladly join in, swallowing every feeling that was just bursting to be put into words. I smile and dive in into his mind once more losing myself in it. And frankly, I feel relieved too, thinking to myself, “Maybe this is isn’t the right time to open my heart anyway.”

Once again I make myself believe that the right time will come when he will sincerely want to listen to my fears, my ridiculous dreams – grand and small, my wishes, my lofty desires, my imaginations, my thoughts that have grown so loud that sometimes I go deaf to the whole world and start drowning in my own mind.  But I know that it’s probably never going to happen.

Losing yourself into someone and liking it takes a huge amount of courage and a world full of love in your heart. Not everyone can afford it and those who can usually never find anyone to return that favor, not to their heart’s desire anyway and they are just going to have to learn to deal with that. Yes, that’s the reality.

How do I deal with it?

Wait for him to fall asleep contentedly. Listening to his breaths, those sweet deep breaths and when I am sure, absolutely sure, that he is sound asleep that’s when my mind comes alive with all of its raw wild imagination.

From the window, I see a faint figure in the sky..flying towards me. I keep looking at it. It keeps growing bigger and bigger until its standing right in front of me. A dragon. My dragon. A LOT OF SMOKE and *poooooffff* it turns into a more attentive version of the very person who is peacefully asleep miles away on his bed. Lies down to my side and listens to my thoughts as I drift away into dreams, talking to an imaginary being. 

Sometimes, it’s best to empty your heart into the overflowing night and be done with it. Saves a lot of heartache and disappointment. I learned the hard way that although some people will love you a lot, sometimes, you will find to your disbelief that it’s JUST NOT ENOUGH. But that doesn’t mean that the person isn’t right for you. It’s just a testament to your TOO DEEP mind and your OVERFLOWING heart, something that is not as common in this world as you might like to imagine. What do you do then?

Well, I learned to live with it.

AND YOU?

[ON MY BEST BEHAVIOUR] Interviewing the genius minds behind Unbolt, Tati & Tony *cheering in the background*

This is a post that I have been wanting to put up for FAAAAAAAAAAAR TOOOOOOOO long but never got around to actually doing it due to….well…my absolutely UNNECESSARY break!

But now, I want to take this opportunity to share with you, my gorgeous readers, my conversation with Tatiana Aleksina and Tony Single, the heart and mind of my favourite blog ON THE WHOLE INTERNET, UNBOLT.ME 

YOU ARE GOING TO LOOOOVE THEM! Their answers were absolutely hilarious and so well thought that I felt like crying when I got them! They were very enthusiastic about it and I SWEAR TO GOD, I feel so glad that I had the opportunity to interact with them.

Both of them are terrific writers, kind and helpful and SUCH FUN TO TALK TO!

Continue reading “[ON MY BEST BEHAVIOUR] Interviewing the genius minds behind Unbolt, Tati & Tony *cheering in the background*”