“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife”
HOW VERY TRUE!
Even the ones that don’t think they want one, SECRETLY DOOOO!!!!! Everyone wants a wife. And those who GENUINELY DON’T change their perception once they get one!
It’s just the truth of life. AND WE MUST ACCEPT IT. ALL OF US. Yes, even Mr. Darcy.
I am pretty sure that when he entered the Longbourn ball that fateful evening, he must be so sure that he won’t like anyone in this god-forsaken country. BOY, WAS HE IN FOR A WORLD OF SURPRISE!
Our dear Lizzie bewitched his mind the very moment he brushed her off as ”not pretty enough to tempt me.” From there, it was all rolling and falling in love for our dear Pemberley Man. But he approached his adoration for the second eldest Bennet sister with utmost precision and skill!
READ ON TO FIND OUT HOW!
🌸 Condition Her Mind Beforehand
Hold your horses there, Mr. Collins’ descendant! This is not one of your DEPRESSED & DEPRIVED cases.
It’s about the girl with fine eyes, tolerable teeth, and a conceited sense of freedom. She likes long walks, witty talks, and MOST OF ALL – SHE LIKES TO JUDGE PEOPLE! So you can’t just barge in there with a proposal, you’ll make a fool of yourself.
You need to condition her mind first – acclimatize it in such a way that she starts seeing you as her future husband. This is easy and can be achieved in a few simple steps:
🎄The first time you guys meet, look at her with flared nostrils and uninterested eyes. You must look a bit constipated too as if the very sight of her face is puke-inducing.
🎄Refuse to dance with her when your friend is suggesting her as your dance partner, while she is CLEARLY in the earshot of your conversation. THAT OUGHTTA GET HER MIND RUNNING!
🎄Convince the man who is in love with her sister to go away and leave her heartbroken. TOUGH LOVE, DUDE! It’s a THING! LOOK IT UP.
🌸 Stares and Dances
It’s all about the eyes, man. Girls LOVE it when you compliment their eyes.
But YOU aren’t some commoner. YOU ARE THE PEMBERLEY MAN. And you have to step up your game.
🎄This can be achieved by staring at her at THE MOST inconvenient times possible. Preferably when that gold-digger Caroline Bingley is nearby. [ Really though, YOU OUGHT TO ASK THAT INSUFFERABLE WOMAN TO LEAVE YOU THE FUCK ALONE!]
🎄After a few inconvenient stare-offs in public, you have to take it to yet another level again and ask her for a dance at the Netherfield Ball.
Now, I know it’s beneath your status to dance with only a tolerable-looking girl but hey, do you want to marry her or not? Well, then. Ask her for a dance and be silent.
BE SILENT AS A GRAVE.
UNLESS she herself breaks the ice. THEN you can go ahead and add one or two witty remarks.
BUT DON’T OVERDO IT. BECOME SILENT AGAIN.
🌸 Surprise, Surprise!
By now you must have managed to imprint her mind with your image (whether an agreeable one or not THAT we will find out later! ) You – with your uncomfortable encounters and unwilling compliments – have successfully conditioned her mind and she is now ready to be proposed to.
Now as you may already know, a proposal is a VERY big step (DUH!) and must be planned out in detail. You have to pick the right spot and you must make sure that she is in a good mood before you do it.
So, NATURALLY you gotta go to her RIGHT AFTER SHE FINDS OUT THAT YOU RUINED HER SISTER’S HAPPINESS (that was a classy move, I must say!) and blurt out your confession in the following manner:
🎄Say this, ”In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”
🎄Her reaction to such a display of affection will surely be of shock and a deep blush. Encouraged by this healthy display of OBVIOUS FEMININE ENCOURAGEMENT, you must go on and on and on about how her situation in life is CLEARLY beneath you, about how you are risking a complete social abandonment by making you his wife.
🎄Don’t forget to add the fact that you think her younger sisters are ABSOLUTELY FUCKING RIDICULOUS and that her mother is THE MOST INSUFFERABLE OF THEM ALL! Tell her that even her father is a bit thoughtless from time to time.
🎄Lastly, let her know that she must ”END YOUR AGONY” by accepting your offer of marriage.
AS THEY SAY, HONESTY —–and whatever!
When she refuses, WHICH SHE WILL, rethink your life choices, alright?