[MY BOOKISH OBSESSIONS] How-To: Be an Accomplished Woman// A Step-by-Step Guide by Caroline Bingley//

Did you know that there are less than a dozen women out there that can TRULY be called accomplished?

Miss Caroline Bingley of Netherfield gravely remarks, in an interview with The Derbyshire News, on this declining number of the truly genius among her own sex.

”It’s most distressing. Just another I was telling Mr. Darcy (you know THE OWNER OF Pemberley! An EXCELLENT MAN) that something NEEDS to be done urgently if we are to fix this problem. But the fault lies with the population of Longbourn, to be honest. ESPECIALLY THE BENNET LADIES. Their distaste in fashion and yet the conceited self importance they hold themselves in is the main issue here.’‘

And in addition to such remarkable comments on the rapidly decreasing genius of women, Miss Bingley has also agreed to share with us some pointers to help the ordinary women be THE MOST ACCOMPLISHED VERSION OF HERSELF!

Let’s have a look, shall we?

SNOBBERY

The first step, it seems, to being a most accomplished woman is possessing the ability to despise everything and everyone you ever come in contact with. Unless of course, it’s Mr. Darcy of Pemberley. THEN you may go ahead and praise the fuck out of everything the gentleman does.

But for every other human being, you must be the epitome of unpleasantness.

You MUST look hideously displeased with everything around you. You see the REALLY accomplished women NEVER show their pleasant sides to ANYONE. They go through the world discontentedly and are never happy with meeting new people, certainly not the ones who can pose a threat to their plan of bagging the…the…yeah the Pemberley guy.

So ladies, if you want to be known as an accomplished woman, you better be prepared for a LOTTTT of frown lines, you understand?

”SOMETHING IN HER AIR”

(whatever THAT means!)

This is something Caroline Bingley ABSOLUTELY INSISTS UPON. But she is a bit vague about what kind of ”air” an accomplished woman is supposed to have and that has got me wondering. Well, let’s hear it from Miss. Bingley, shall we?

Got a clearer idea now?

What Miss Uptighty-pants is trying to tell us here is that an ACCOMPLISHED woman must make herself memorable to everyone and this she can easily achieve by being a rigid, stinkin’ mess.

So get rid of those perfumes girls because it’s time to let your inner unpleasantness shine through. 😉

HOME-WRECKER

Listen to me VERY carefully now:

A TRULY ACCOMPLISHED WOMAN never let’s such things as her brother’s happiness get in the way of her own convenience. Whenever she sees a threat to her own hopes and dreams, she starts thinking ways to eliminate it.

And we see this method in effect when realizing that her brother is a great deal too attached to the eldest Miss Bennet and getting a glimpse of her potential future – FULL OF Mrs. bennet’s frequent visits at Netherfield – she persuades Mr. Bingley to move and makes him believe that it’s for his own good.

So you see the level of manipulation going on here? And if you want to be at Caroline’s level, you’ve got to learn this art as well.

THE GOSSIP-GIRL

Apart from having a thorough knowledge of singing, drawing, dancing, and modern languages, a well-accomplished woman must also be well adept in the art of gossiping.

Because when tragedy strikes and you are made aware of the fact that your ALMOST future-husband is falling for someone else, it’s the sly remarks about those ‘fine eyes” that will make the man uncomfortable enough to drop the topic altogether.

You and (preferably) your older sister MUST belittle everyone around you. THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET NOTICED BY THE PEMBERLEY MAN!

As you can see, Miss. Caroline Bingley clearly knows what she’s about.
And she isn’t afraid to admit it.
You too can achieve that level of conceit!

All you have to do is follow the above-mentioned steps and you’ll be good to go!

(PS: I couldn’t find any suitable gifs so I made these as well. I hope you liked them.<3 )