[A READER’S LIFE] Beware the SLUMP //Treating a READER’S most-feared disease//

Reading. Reading some more. More reading.
Reading is fun.
Reading is life.
Reading is DOPE. (do people still use that word. though?)

READING ALSO BECOMES A PAIN IN THE ASS SOMETIMES! 

Don’t get me wrong. There is NOTHING I love more than waking up to a box full books just arrived from Amazon but
BUT
BUTTTT…

What to do when you JUST CANNOT MAKE IT WORK?

Well, I have successfully overcome this. Sure it took me a LOOONGGG time but hey, what matters is that I DID IT! And so I am PERFECTLY qualified to share my amazing tips with you as well.

So let’s get to it then!

TOO FUNNY TO NOT USE!!!! XDXDXDXDXD

Acknowledge the problem.

Not wanting to read is a disease.
And before you can start treating it, you need to open your eyes to the fact that it is there! And it ain’t going anywhere on its own. So, you NEED to make sure that you KNOW that you are in a slump. Only then can you make other plans. Oftentimes, we just take think that if we do nothing, it will pass. Or that it’s just boredom.
NO! NO! NOOO!!!! Don’t make that mistake.

Yeah, I am going GIF crazy! SUE ME!!!

Assess the level of seriousness.

You stare at that long-forgotten book in your shelf.
It stares at you.
Stare-stare, EVERYWHERE.

You pick it out with trembling hands, closed eyes, and a hopeful heart. You open it. You read the first word. You don’t like it. You read the next line. NOPE. SOMEHOW, you make it to the next page, YOU WANNA PUKE! You just don’t feel FEEEL like it.

THIS IS Stage 1.

And it’s alright. This is not THAT serious and it can be cured with a little tweak. ❤

NOW..

That gorgeous little hardback just came out. You went to the bookstore. You bought the little beast. You came back home feeling giddy and excited. You start reading it. And BOOM! You find out that nuh-uh..not happening gorrrllll! Your mind just REFUSES to cooperate.

This is Stage 2.
And THIS is SERIOUS.

THE CURE

It’s actually possible to die of this illness. Books are your one true love. And you crave their touch. You WANT them. You want them more than Gatsby wanted Daisy. More than Heathcliff wanted Cathy.

And if you don’t get a piece of that fine paperback ass, you WILL die, I CAN GUARANTEE YOU!

So, to make sure that THAT doesn’t happen, let’s do some troubleshooting to find which remedy will work best for you.

For readers suffering from STAGE-1 SLUMP:

As I said, it’s NOT that serious, okay? I mean, yeah it sucks that

YOU, the reader of great novels, the record holder finisher of even the shittiest books,

CANNOT make it through that ONE book!
But it’s easily curable. You just need to do one simple thing.

Go to the crime-scene, pick out your favorite book.

THE ONE YOU STILL DREAM ABOUT. THE CHARACTERS YOU STILL WANT TO BANG WITH ALL YOUR HEART. Pick out THAT one. And that’s it. That’s all you need!

 

For readers suffering from STAGE-2 SLUMP:

I know I am not supposed to judge you or anything but I would really like to shame you all the way to King’s Landing!

HOW? HOW COULD YOU HAVE LET IT GO THIS FAR? 

Anyway, I have a duty to give you the cure. And I will serve it faithfully.
So for you, I recommend going for something petite. Do you like reading short stories? Yes?
FANTASTIC.
No?
Well, too bad you are gonna HAVE TO!
Hey, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. I am THE goose. You, sirs and madams, are the gander. I didn’t like to read short stories that much either. I prefer BIG NOVELS. THE BIGGER THE BETTER!
But when I realized that I was one stage away to being terminally ill, I HAD to take drastic measures. I decided to give “Birthday Girl” a go.

It was only 50 pages. I was not expecting to like it but I ended up loving it. I ended up drooling over it. I found the prettiest looking short story book EVER and I read the fuck out of it. The result? I went on to read two more random stories that very day and around midnight, I started reading Us Against You, a breathtaking novel by Frederick Backman. So, I know from my own personal that it works!

So my Stage 2 patients, for forth and try it!

 

For readers suffering from STAGE-3 SLUMP:

Yep. There exists another one.
I didn’t tell you before because then the ones that are terminally ill wouldn’t have read this and I am sorry but I wanted YOUR attention as well.
So these are those patients who cannot seem to enjoy EVEN their first great bookish love.

Yeah, THAT happens sometimes.
This disease advances at a phenomenal rate and if you don’t stop it in its tracks, it gets to the point where no matter how many times you pick up that copy of Pride and Prejudice, The Hobbit, or even Harry Potter, you just cannot seem to stay with it.

You, unfortunately, should start getting your affairs in order. You don’t have much time left. 😦 😦  I don’t know any cures for STAGE-3, I am sorry guys.

RIP!

Reading Slump is a bad disease. But not an incurable one. (EXCEPT STAGE 3) but MAYBE, there is a cure for the terminally ill as well?
Do you know any remedies?
What do you do to get out of this god-awful period?
Let me and the others know.
THEY NEED YOUR HELP!